When the cat is away…

Friday, January 22, 2010

Jiazi’s family is away on holiday and since the whole family will be away, the home is essentially empty and there is apparently some cause for concern. As such, I’ve been instructed to “pop by once in a while.” I assume they’re worried that their maid will go berserk and invite her friends over for a “Domestic Worker Lesbian Spank Inferno” or a “Bangladeshi Orgy Mayhem Night.” They’re probably worried about the resultant mess and lingering smell. And so I agreed to drop in randomly to conduct spot checks.

Somehow or another, they decided that that arrangement was too risky and so they’ve decided to deposit the maid at a relative’s place and the job to keep the plants watered fell upon me. Specific instructions are as follows:

There are 2 groups of plants, one has to be watered every 2 days and the other, every 3.

Working out the math, that means that I’ll need to “pop by once in a while” on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. A total of 4 days for the 7 days that they’ll be gone… that’s more than half the days they’ll be gone. I wonder what frequently means for them. Then yesterday before they left, they told me that they’d prefer it if I stayed over “once in a while” too. Hmmmmmm… alrighty. (It’s not that I mind btw, it’s just amusing.)

And so last night they left a flurry of last minute instructions on how to care for the house. And it would seem almost as if.. they truly believed that when the plane takes off from Changi Airport.. they take along with them my common sense. They have left with me instructions like.. “remember to lock the door when you leave”, “don’t leave the lights/heater/cooker on when you leave” and “ wash up the dishes and dispose of the trash.” I mean seriously. I DO actually know these. MOST families in Singapore lock the doors when they leave their homes.

BUT the WORST thing is.. BECAUSE of ALL their warnings.. I’m sitting in the office now.. and I’m honestly worried. I’m totally mindfucking myself at my office desk. I’m wondering if I did lock up everything. I’m trying to remember if I switched off the correct lights. I’m second guessing whether or not everything is where its supposed to be. I’m over thinking things that are rightfully second nature. It’s like reminding yourself not to forget to breathe.

When the cat is away, the mouse becomes a fucking retard.

Things on mind:
Are the doors locked?
Is the gate closed?
Is the heater switched off?
Where are the boobies?
Am I breathing?



Sprouting Nonsense Since 1984 {10:04 am}


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Vincent Fu
aka Jishbac

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