Amy Yam – The Intelligent Moron
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Previously on SMUrvivor:Our intrepid hero Vincent Fu met his evil doppelganger from another planar dimension, Vincent Ha during a research participation exercise. When the two worlds collided our hero barely escaped the encounter against the much fluffier Vincent by escaping into another dimension where style does not matter more than substance and the Singapore Government doesn’t give fallacious arguments to justify giving themselves more money.
This semester I met a girl by the name of Amy Yam. Actually she’s a guy and her name is not Amy Yam. I decided to change the name so as not to offend anyone. Actually you know what? Fuck it. His name is Yam Yu Jian and is the subject of my post because this man is a moron.
I will now describe him so you have a better picture of how he looks but I will avoid any embellishment or excessive derogatory remarks because I understand that he has no control over his physical appearance. It is not his fault he looks the way he looks. Basically Amy is not very tall but is very well built, probably of the physically demanding activities he often partakes in during his CCA. He has a very high forehead accompanied by a seemingly large head. This feature of his is obviously purely functional and was not designed with aesthetics in mind but provides for a very safe and secure container for his powerful and large cranial mass.
(For all non-SMU readers out there, keep in mind that SMU students are graded on their level of class participation and this grade counts towards their final grade.)
It all started during a lesson in Business Processes when Amy asked a stupid question in class. Although I do not remember the exact question, I do remember thinking that that must not have been a particularly bright person asking the question. I decided not to begrudge the fact however, because I knew that some people just weren’t that smart. The lessons went by and this same person would, without fail, ask at least a few stupid questions each lesson. By this time, I was fairly irritated at the person and I told Joshua as much. To which Joshua told me that this person was Amy and was a Dean’s Lister with a near perfect GPA.
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What the PHUCK? Here was when I got really mad. I can understand if someone not very bright asked stupid question but here was an obviously intelligent man asking the same stupid questions. It then became obvious to me the motive behind the questions. It was not to seek clarification, as is fitting of the
conventional use of a question, but it was to acquire participation points! Perhaps the fault lies in me. Has the world changed so much or am I from a backwater Kampong, such that I know not of the new and improved use of the
QUESTION.
Needless to say Amy continues asking retarded questions for the rest of the semester and every lesson my blood boils more and more. He wastes the collective valuable time of the entire class so as to earn his retarded participation marks while more and more people are starting to get pissed off by him. I wonder if he notices my exasperated breaths every time he speaks or how people often rolls their eyes during his inane questions. Perhaps he does but he does not care.
What questions, you ask. Maybe I’m just being biased? No my dear reader, not the case this time. Perhaps on other occasions I have been known to succumb to the all too human tendencies of prejudice but not this time. Behold! The horror that is the ‘class participation’ of Amy Yam:
1) Prof, do you mean (Insert Prof's last statement)
See how ingenious this tactic is? You can never be wrong. It’s the Prof’s last statement.
2) Prof, is that an 8? (Pointing to a number on the board)This one really irritates me. When I can’t see a number on the board I ask my friend who is sitting beside me; or a stranger even. If they all can’t see then maybe I’ll ask. But get this, his girlfriend is sitting beside him but he doesn’t ask her. NOOOOO, that would be too difficult for her. Better approach the person with the PHD to ascertain the exact nature of the single digit numeral that is written on the board.
3) Prof, I want to know why you equate X to Y. Shouldn’t you differentiate it? Actually I’m quite sure they come up to the same thing…..This one killed me even though he was correct about the differentiation part. I mean why bother asking if you already knew.
My favourite part was during his presentation. I had already pre-decided that I would look for weaknesses in his presentation and savagely expose them as revenge for all the stupid questions he has made me listen to. It was obvious that he did most of the thinking and most of the work and all his teammates were all peripheral presenters whose sole purpose was to allow him to look even better in contrast. And so his part came and he presented his amazing solution… which did not address the problem. I was disgusted with his recommendation and my face showed as much. It was a retarded solution and I knew I had found his jugular. He suddenly made eye contact with me and… and… and he said, “I see some of you are looking very lost. I’ll explain again later.”
What… the… Phuck. He mistook my disgust for
confusion? I wish I could tell you that I gave him a Q&A session of his life and he broke down and cried after I made him look like a fool in front of the class but I can’t. The Prof beat me to it. Halfway through his explanation of his amazing solution to the problem that was not the real problem, he Prof stopped him and said, “That doesn’t solve the problem. It contains the problem but it doesn’t solve it. You have to find out the root cause of the problem…” After which he continued criticizing their presentation for 20mins. Oh how I basked in triumphant glory as I watched him in his moment of failure!
Things on my mind:
Exam results
Rest and Relaxation
China?
Boobs
Chinese boobs
Sprouting Nonsense Since 1984 {8:59 pm}
