Solving the Mysteries of the Universe!
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Question: Why do I sweat so much?
Answer: To the untrained eye of a commoner, the reason most likely to be assumed is that I am fat (actually I prefer pleasantly chubby). This stereotypical view however, could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that I am a committed individual that puts in 120% effort into everything I do. So even though the task is something simple like walking down the stairs or across the road, I break out into glorious perspiration because of the mental concentration and sheer physical exertion of extreme walking.
Extreme walking, as performed by me, differs from vanilla walking executed by mere commoners in several different ways. First of all, as already mentioned, it requires a constant 120% effort and because most people's maximum potential effort caps out at a meagre 100%, only the most unique individuals can perform extreme walking. This additional effort is means that while you may not neccesarily walk faster, you walk HARDER. Much like the difference between lifting a spoon versus lifting a piano with two fingers. Have you ever tried lifting a piano with two fingers? Now you know how tough extreme walking (as performed by me) really is.
Secondly, apart from placing one foot in front of the other in rapid succession (yes it is as HARD as it sounds), a performer of extreme walking must concurrently perform yet another ardous physical task - the tummy suck-in. This is like holding yourself at half sit-up position... for the whole day.
Because of the sheer physical intensity of the two tasks as well as the tremendous mental strain of coordinating and synchronizing the walking and and tummy suck-in, it is recommended that amateurs do not perform the extreme walk. People have been known to forget to breath during their attempts at the extreme walk (as performed by me).
So the next time you notice that a pleasantly chubby individual looks a tad moist from a short walk, look again, because he may very well be performing... extreme walking.
Sprouting Nonsense Since 1984 {2:14 pm}
