Closest Shave... Gillette
Friday, January 19, 2007
Today I experienced the closest shave of 2007 thus far.
It all began with me stalking and hunting an bowl of mutton curry in the Interchange today. After slurping down the last of the spicy curry that left me dripping with princely amounts of perspiration, I removed my red frames of
Mojo off of my face to wipe away the salty moisture that still hung to my skin. Putting my glasses back on, I rolled my sleeve back down and left the hawker with my bag in tow. A quick check of time showed 1134am; this would mean I had just enough time to reach class punctually.
Weaving gracefully through the human traffic (Yes, I have it on good account that I was
indeed weaving gracefully, several bystanders corroborated this testimony and all agreed I was weaving in the manner as depicted in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioMP2OX52eE), I arrived at the steps of the underpass that would lead me to my vehicular transport, the train. I pulled out my mobile from my pocket to once again check the time. It was at this point I realised something of great import. My right hand carried my undeniably stylish phone and my left, the
handphone cover. My brows tightened and it dawned upon me, none of my hands were carrying my laptop.
I sprung around and set out on a mad dash. Where did I last see my laptop? My mind set about the task of searching my memory banks for the precise moment my laptop left my field of vision. At the same time, a message was sent down my spine past the region of my groin (the location where most of my blood most regularly resides and home to my more powerful brain) telling my feet that it was code red and this was not a drill. The search identified the last known location of visual confirmation of Laptop status was at the hawker. Some hundred thieving bastards still sat within alarming proximity to my laptop. At this point, rationale thinking broke ranks and a primal need to protect that which was mine took over.
No longer inhibited by logical thought and common sense, I moved faster and more agile than I had ever moved. As I darted past the human traffic, I moved unerringly towards the hawker. At one point I ran so quickly I was leaving flames in my wake. It was at this point when I noticed, much too late, that there was a crippled begging on the floor;
prone at that height, he was out of my optic field and there was no way I could have seen him until the point when I saw him. At the speed I was at at that point, there was no way I could have stopped in time. A mere moment before I would crash onto him, I
leaped. Over him I sailed and it would have almost been perfect if it weren't for the fact that I was so fast that there were flames in my wake. Before I could even land, the poor man caught on fire; the fabric of his tattered clothes ignited by the licking yellow flames leaping off of my feet. I did not hear him scream though, for in just another mere moment, I was already out of earshot.
You will be pleased and relieved to hear that I was able to successful secure and extract my laptop. Looking behind me, I was horrified by the burning inferno I had caused. As a result of leaving my laptop behind and the time it took me to put out all the flames, I was late for class. Clearly not my fault and a close shave, if I say so myself.
Things on my mind:
Fire
Boobs
Globes of Fire!
Sprouting Nonsense Since 1984 {12:41 am}
