Fat is the New Black

When the cat is away…

2010-01-22T10:04:00.001+08:00

Jiazi’s family is away on holiday and since the whole family will be away, the home is essentially empty and there is apparently some cause for concern. As such, I’ve been instructed to “pop by once in a while.” I assume they’re worried that their maid will go berserk and invite her friends over for a “Domestic Worker Lesbian Spank Inferno” or a “Bangladeshi Orgy Mayhem Night.” They’re probably worried about the resultant mess and lingering smell. And so I agreed to drop in randomly to conduct spot checks.

Somehow or another, they decided that that arrangement was too risky and so they’ve decided to deposit the maid at a relative’s place and the job to keep the plants watered fell upon me. Specific instructions are as follows:

There are 2 groups of plants, one has to be watered every 2 days and the other, every 3.

Working out the math, that means that I’ll need to “pop by once in a while” on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. A total of 4 days for the 7 days that they’ll be gone… that’s more than half the days they’ll be gone. I wonder what frequently means for them. Then yesterday before they left, they told me that they’d prefer it if I stayed over “once in a while” too. Hmmmmmm… alrighty. (It’s not that I mind btw, it’s just amusing.)

And so last night they left a flurry of last minute instructions on how to care for the house. And it would seem almost as if.. they truly believed that when the plane takes off from Changi Airport.. they take along with them my common sense. They have left with me instructions like.. “remember to lock the door when you leave”, “don’t leave the lights/heater/cooker on when you leave” and “ wash up the dishes and dispose of the trash.” I mean seriously. I DO actually know these. MOST families in Singapore lock the doors when they leave their homes.

BUT the WORST thing is.. BECAUSE of ALL their warnings.. I’m sitting in the office now.. and I’m honestly worried. I’m totally mindfucking myself at my office desk. I’m wondering if I did lock up everything. I’m trying to remember if I switched off the correct lights. I’m second guessing whether or not everything is where its supposed to be. I’m over thinking things that are rightfully second nature. It’s like reminding yourself not to forget to breathe.

When the cat is away, the mouse becomes a fucking retard.

Things on mind:
Are the doors locked?
Is the gate closed?
Is the heater switched off?
Where are the boobies?
Am I breathing?

The Ugly Stick

2009-12-10T15:34:00.002+08:00

I honestly thought that I would never blog again. I figured this is it. There is nothing interesting left in my life to blog about. And I thought that I’d retire this blog once and for all. Maybe after this post, I’d never blog again. Maybe not. But nonetheless, I will update this blog at least one more time.

Just moments ago, a powerpoint slide I’ve been working on just got reverted back to me. And it is now…. HIDEOUS. Absolutely hideous. It’s like someone took an ugly stick and beat my slides to death with it. Do you know what an ugly stick is? Perhaps you’ve never heard of the legend of the Ugly Stick. Let me tell you of the tale.

It is said that all of God’s children are beautiful. It matters not which God you pray to, all of you are SUPPOSED to be beautiful. And yet we look around and we cannot escape the undeniable truth. We see ugly people. For no matter which God you pray to, we are all at the mercy of one demon. There is no name for this demon for he cannot be named or rather, his name is unspeakable. As unspeakable as the crimes he inflicts upon us. What crimes you ask? It is all around us! It might be the coffee shop aunty with the rotten teeth or the colleague with the greasy hair and tarmac face. It might even be what you witness in the mirror every morning.

This demon of which I speak wields the deadly weapon, the Ugly Stick.

The Ugly Stick (Epic)
Damage: 0-1
Effect: Upon hit, target becomes 75% more ugly. Effect stacks.

The Ugly Stick deals literally no damage rendering the weapon incapable of killing anyone. For it is a much greater torment for the victim to live a life of hideousness. And so… the demon roams the Nether Planes (an alternate dimension), phasing into our reality and BEATS babies in their mother’s womb with the Ugly Stick FOREVER cursing them to a life where people “feel that perhaps they should just be friends” with you. After the damage is done, the demon escapes back into the Nether Planes before he resurfaces to strike another victim. And that my friends, is the truth behind all ugly people.

Yet somehow today, my colleague must have found this weapon. For looking what that person has done to my slides, I can only surmise that this person has taken this Ugly Stick and opened up a relentless assault upon my slides. Nothing else in the known Universe can produce something so horrible.

It amazes me what people can put into slides and think, “Okay I think this looks good.” What confounds me more is that this person can do what they did to my slides, and feel that yes, this is an improvement. I’m not saying that my slides cannot be improved upon but what was done to my slides can only be described as: beaten half to death with an ugly stick.

ADDENDUM
Some people are complaining that the lack of screenshots make this post a tad lacking. Here's the reason why there aren't any screenshots.
1) I'm at work
2) Sometimes pictures aren't worth a thousand words. This is one such case. Basically, the slides themselves look fine. Its the ANIMATIONS that are hideous. And so, looking at the screenshots actually give you no hint of the horrors within it. Its like a Supermodel with terrible body odour. You can't tell just by looking at the picture.

This is why preferrential parking rates are important

2009-05-18T23:07:00.003+08:00

It's been about 6 months since my last post. And it's not like there's not been anything blog worthy going on in my life. There's been plenty. I guess I've just lost the motivation to blog post-exchange. Lately, with all the time on my hands, I've gotten guilty enough to make a short post. But this post, while short, is significant. It symbolizes my overcoming the inertia to blog. So hopefully, I'll start making entries a little more frequently from here on out.

Life, at this point, is good. I've just come to the end of an important phase in my life: Education. And begun on an even more exciting journey: Unemployment. Hopefully I can begin on the next phase soon... working forever until I die. Can't say I'm all too excited.

Today however, I made my first dollar as a graduate. Doing a little part time work at 8 dollars an hour at Jiazi's company. Basically just helping with the BlackBerry trial program at SMU. So bright and early in the morning we made our way down to SMU and 4 hours later we were done and it was time to pack up and go.

This next message is particularly important to any of my friends who are still studying in SMU after this semester. When the Motor Inc sends out the emails for application of preferrential parking rates. DO IT. I never knew until today how ridiculous parking costs in SMU if you aren't a registered vehicle. Jiazi just parked for 4 hours. Guess how much it cost her. Go on, hazard a guess. Write it down on a piece of paper and if you get it right, I'll buy you lunch. I promise. I swear it. In fact I'll give you the range of plus/minus one dollar. Honor system. Don't cheat or lie, and I'll hold up my end of the bargain. Once you've scribbled your guess on a piece of paper, scroll down...

In case you can't see it.

You're damn right her cashcard has insufficient value.

Things on my mind:

Unemployment

Graduation

Taiwan

Taiwanese boobies

Mannheim: The Final Leg

2008-12-16T05:31:00.008+08:00

As I am writing this post I am literally mere hours away from picking up Jonnie and Zi from the Airport. From there, our End of the Year Super Trip officially begins. ROAR! 3 weeks of pure and absolute epic fun!!

It has been 4 months since I left for exchange and wow, did time fly by. My exams are over and I'm already half packed for Singapore. This will be the final post from my little room here in Ulmenweg, Mannheim and before you know it, I'll back in Singapore again. Not that I don't miss everyone back in Singapore but life on exchange was extremely fun. I think the days concluding my exchange for me has sometimes been quite an emotional rollercoaster. One second I'm thrilled that I'm seeing Jiazi again soon and the next, emo-elmo-ness washes over me as I realise its all over.

Enough rambling. After Amsterdam, exams preparation had to start and that was the most painful part of my exchange. Exchange students only need to pass since the grades aren't transferred and so that means I was trying my very very best to maintain a delicate balance. The balance between studying just enough to pass, yet not too much to waste my time. Ideally, I wanted a score of 51 on every paper. Anyone can study really really hard and do the best they can. But it takes a true genius to aim and hit an exact score on their paper.

And so for the past 3 weeks, the days fell into a tired monotony. We cooked, we ate, we studied, we did grocery shopping and we slept. To break the monotony, we inserted a few activities here and there, like the trip to the Mannheim Christmas Market or Wiehnachsmarkt.

The Christmas market is basically filled with stores selling Christmas trinkets and other odds and ends.

The place was crowded with people in Santa hats and there were even carolers. The whole place just exuded a festive cheer. However, we didn't spend much time there and after just wandering a bit, we tried some Gluehwein (heated wine), called it a night and went back home.

Even though it was just a little time spent away from the books, the trip to the Christmas market was really enjoyable.

Ahhh. But nothing can beat the end of class celebration as we traveled to visit... the COLONEL. Armed with Ketchup and Chilli sauce brought from Singapore, we traveled to KFC to eat fast food, the proper way. With plenty of Sauces. (You have to pay for sauces here).

What I expected to get was KFC chicken, but what I got was so much more. I stepped into KFC and ordered my food, and the cashier didn't ask me if I wanted to upsize my meal or anything. No, she asked, "Would you like some class with that?" I said yes.

KFC is Mannheim is served with pure class. Glass plates, and metal forks and knives. Even the fries and coleslaw are served in glass bowls.

Zinger with cheese? Yes please. With some class on the side? Definitely.

Farewell Colonel. I'll see you in London. (Look at how he watches over us with kind eyes like a Guardian Angel.)

But besides the rare trips, the most excitement we would get on most days were the food we made. (By we, most of the time I mean Jiahui) Besides the usual fare, we had...

Tofu!

Creme Brulee!

Gratin!

Cream of Mushroom! From scratch!

Tom Yum Fried Rice! (Jiahui let me fry the eggs! She always let's me fry the eggs when she makes fried rice! Schooo Sweet. Aren't they the most beautiful perfect eggs ever?)

Meatballs!

Rocky Road!

Chicken Curry!

Chicken Wings!

Congee! (My first time)

And after awhile we started to run out of Soy Sauce.. and so we had to become a little bit more inventive in our cooking so as to reduce our consumption of Soy Sauce. Not a single drop of soy sauce in these dishes.

Black Sauce Chicken and Sweet Soy Sauce Eggs!

Breaded Mushrooms!

Sweet Soy Sauce Chicken!

Schnitzel!

And the most stunning one of all. Jiahui made Currypuffs. Curry-freaking-Puffs. I'll say it slowly. I ate. Homemade. Curry Puffs. In GERMANY. Delicious. Curry Puffs. My life is full of win.

My version of the ABC soup. BAC soup!!!

And last but not least, the dinner I just had, Baked Pasta. Our last meal together.

Thus ends the culinary adventures of the two SMUggers in Ulmenweg. Thanks Jiahui, for eating my countless failed attempts and for teaching me how to cook. Everytime you let me fry the egg I feel myself grow a little more. It is as you said, the easiest dish to cook is also the hardest, and I have mastered the art of frying eggs. I have truly learnt a lot. Iron Chef Fu, I have become.

Things on my mind:
Is this the beginning or the end?
Countdown: 10 hours
Gerger
Santarina Boobies

Hamsterdam, Neverland and a Daytrip to Belgium (13th-16th Nov)

2008-12-14T13:54:00.014+08:00

The trip to Amsterdam was the last trip I made before my exam preparations, and believe me, there were a LOT of things to prepare for. I had skipped SOOOO many lessons to go traveling and during the times that I attended class, I was simply daydreaming. Also, Amsterdam was just a weekender which was a welcomed change of pace from the previous three weeks of hectic, school-less traveling in Italy and Eastern Europe. As fun as that was, it was time to slow down and get back to the student's life... AFTER AMSTERDAM!!

The number of SMU people that were going to be in Amsterdam was simply insane. There were like 4 different groups of SMU peeps that weekend totalling some 14-15 of us. However, even though there are 6 billion people in the world, there were only 2 people that I really wanted to see. Ambrose, my European soul mate and Dewei, my Singapore sweetheart.

Just before heading up to Amsterdam though, we went to Frankfurt for my first and only European cinema experience and some nice Asian food for dinner. I'm a huge movie buff, but watching movies here in Europe was not an appealing way to spend time with the lack of availability of English versions and steep 8EU ticket prices. When I get back to Singapore, I am going to buy all the Original DVDs (because piracy is wrong) to watch all the movies I missed. But at least for now, I have watched Wall-E. WAAAAALLLLL-EEEE!!!

The next afternoon, we were in Amsterdam. Ahhhh Amsterdam. Sin City. Sex, drugs with a conspicuous absence of Rock n Roll. The first place we went upon arriving in Amsterdam was the Red Light District. Sadly no photos. In fact we just kept on going back to the Red Light District. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over over the next few days. The first thing you notice about the the RLD in Amsterdam is it doesn't really feel all that sleazy. In fact it feels down right proper compared to Geylang in Singapore. For me, the RLD there feels pretty much just like a specialized business district. Electronics in Sim Lim. Textiles on Arab Street. Sporting goods in Queensway. And sex in Amsterdam. It is legitimate and unabashed. There's no chance of confusion between the pliers of the sex trade and an innocent girl on the streets like in Geylang. The fishtank from which they work are a clear barrier and boundary between their worlds and ours. Marked on the outside by a tube of red flourescent light and lit from within by neon, they ply their trade with a seductive smile, come-hither wink and suggestive gestures with their fingers and bodies. Step inside and the curtains are drawn. Sex is just... in progress all around you.

This piece of art on the ground right in the center of the RLD clearly depicts what is going on all around you.

The oldest church in Amsterdam also conveniently sits right in the center of the RLD. Heehee. Father I have sinned.

Drugs. Its everywhere here as well. Coffee shops sell them and there are definitely more people smoking joints than drinking beverages. Here's us outside the Bulldog, the longest running coffee shop chain.

Nice little stores sell Magic Mushrooms, the key to unlock the door into the world of the wonders. Because of my fantastical imagination, I do not need mushrooms but try one to see what its like to see what I see for 4 hours!

Of course we didn't try any drugs. Because just like piracy, drugs is wrong. Nods. Say No to drugs. You don't need drugs to have fun.

Amsterdam was not just about Sex and Drugs of course. It is a beautiful place with canals running across the entire city...

... and houses on the canals.

The oldest house in Amsterdam...

... as well as the smallest (the red one) at only 1.5m wide.

And let's not forget the food. Amsterdam has the most delicious fries. Samurai sauce. HAH!

And super awesome Asian food. Something that we've been looking forward to for months. Roast duck. Criminally good tofu.

Love will find a way and I was able to run into my soul mate. We didn't even arrange to meet up because we knew that fate would bring us together. We were like, "Eh don't need to arrange la. Confirm will run into each other one." Europe is too small for us.

We rented a car on Saturday to drive down to Belgium. Ask me to tell you the story of how we booked the car. It's hilarious but not blog-safe. And so we got into our spanking new Mitsubishi Lancer and started for Belgium.

First stop: Antwerp. When we arrived in Antwerp, clearly something was afoot. Something was about to happen. Something big. Like a parade or something. It seemed pretty crowded and they were giving out these red beanies to everyone.

After having a little bit of fries, I set out to find out what was going on.

After asking a random beautiful Belgian girl, we found out that...

... Santa Claus was coming! That's when we decided it was a good idea to get the hell out of Antwerp before the traffic traps us inside the city center.

Next stop: Bruges. Bruges is a beautiful town, amazingly so and I wished we'd been to stay around a little longer. With no time to waste, we completed our Belgium trip with some Belgian Waffles...

... and quickly started to explore the town and I totally splurged on Belgian Chocolates here. We didn't get to see much before the sun came down. Not that it mattered because Bruges was beautiful by night as well. In fact it might have been even more so.

The day was pretty much over and we drove back to Amsterdam. Finally mustering enough courage to give it a try, I volunteered to drive part of the way back. That's when I proceeded to show the world how bad I was at driving. Shock as it may come to those who assume that there is nothing I can't do, I suck horribly at multitasking. (!!!) It's true! With the triple threat of driving on a different side of the road, different side of the car as well as not having driven a manual car since passing my TP 4 years ago, I had almost killed 108 Belgians before I crossed the border into Netherlands. All the passengers in the car hung on for their dear lives. Joe the Navigator and Clement the Backside Driver both went to sleep figuring its best not to know how they died while Jiahui tried desperately to avert disaster by making sure I did not fall asleep at the wheel.

We were able to get back to Amsterdam in one piece and I met up with my Singapore sweetheart. After our warm embrace, we had a good long chat over dinner before parting ways.

Amsterdam was an absolutely unforgettable experience that can only be summed up with one picture. (Inside joke)

Things on my mind:
2 days to togetherness
End of exams
Bac Soup
Merry merry Christmas
Gerger
Santarina Boobies

Lycheespermification! I pulled them out!!!

2008-12-09T00:04:00.007+08:00

Oh. My. GAWD!!!! What did I do!??!?!

Actually they're just tasty Lychees that Jiahui bought from the Lidl. Never expected to find Lychees here. I love Lychees. But truth is I don't even get to eat Lychees much in Singapore. I usually only get to eat the canned Lychees. Lychees. Lychees. I love Lychees~~~!!!

Sigh. I actually should be studying now. But I'm not. I feel as if I've done enough to pass. But I feel guilty when I stop studying. So I'm just going to take a short blog break. Oh wellz. Blog break over.

Thanks for the Lychees Jiass!

Things on my mind:
Reminiscing
Proof reading
The fine balance between studying too much and too little
Boobies

Snow in Mannheim

2008-12-08T15:03:00.006+08:00

I know this is painfully late and I should have blogged about it much sooner. Now its just old news and its no longer exciting. At the point I thought I should try and blog about my experiences chronologically but I guess its no big deal. I blogged about the Bah Kut Teh out of sequence anyways. And now I am filled with regret because I am unable to muster up the excitement I felt that day and channel it into the post. Sigh...

Quick update. My exchange is ENDING. I officially have only 1 or 2 more posts about my experiences on exchange. Tomorrow my exams start and I have 4 back to back papers spread over 3 days. This is actually pretty amazing considering even in SMU, I've never had exams packed this tight before. Oh well, I just need to pass. I'll be back in Singapore in a month.

So I woke up 2 weeks ago one morning, on the 22 of November, and it had snowed! LOL. I still remember worrying that I might be unable to see snow because apparently it doesn't snow all that often here in Mannheim. Actually I was pretty retarded. I woke up, looked out the window TWICE at two different locations, and I didn't notice the snow. It was only I checked out Jiahui's MSN nick that I realized it snowed! It was then that I slipped from retardness to excitement. I quickly put on some more layers and ran down to take pictures~!

It was really cool, and not all that cold! I mean, this will sound duh but, everything was so white! So clean! Winter was here!

Then the snow melted. And it was pretty much ho-hum. It snowed in many places in Europe that weekend so I guess it was just a one shot cold spell and we got really lucky. Then, the next night, it started snowing AGAIN! And not just wussy snow. Real snow. So for the first time in my life, I got to go play outside, WHILE it was snowing.

The reason why I suddenly blogged about the weather now is because, I just encountered another kind of weather I've never experienced before. FREEZING FOG.

That's right. Freezing fog. I'm gonna go outside and experience for myself what FREEZING FOG feels like. I'm pretty sure it'll be nothing awesome. Just looks like regular fog. But at least I blogged about it shortly after it happened.

***ADDENDUM***

I just got back from outside. Cool! So not only does freezing fog... well fog up your vision, its actually cold and humid enough that it causes frost to form ON the surface of things exposed to it. And its not something you can brush off apparently. You have to SCRAPE it off. Cooooool.

And spastic me chose to go out in my slippers.

Things on my mind:
Countdown to Reunion
End of a wonderful experience
Exams
Boobies
Gerger

Eastern Europe - The One Where No One Believes Me (1ST-9TH NOV)

2008-12-01T05:26:00.023+08:00

With hardly a few nights rest, I was back on the road again and this time to Eastern Europe. First stop: Vienna, Austria. In my previous post, I mentioned in no uncertain terms that I had had my fill of churches, museums and what nots. I guess, I had gotten a little bit tired of traveling. Hehe.. I know, kiam pah.

And so when I arrived in Vienna, all I really wanted to do is just switch off. To explore the city without really caring what the names of the sights were or what they were used for. I think Jiahui and Clement were shocked to see how absolutely and completely shut downed my brain was. In order to save money on accommodations, we arranged to bunk in with SMU people both in Vienna and Budapest (more, MUCH more on that later) and in Vienna, our host was Marcus. Now I had no idea who Marcus was, I'll admit that, and it was a little thick-skinned staying with someone I totally didn't know. But then, when we met, I realised that he was a senior from Temasek Sec and we actually had mutual friends! And so, we were able to break out into a pretty nice chat and Marcus brought us around Vienna the next day.

Now, as I said, I switched off. Hence, while Marcus did bring us on a fabulous tour of the city, I have clean forgotten the names of the stuff I saw and it really didn't matter much because Vienna didn't really feel all that different from some German cities.

Some statue of symbolizing Austria dealing pwnage to everything in the sea. I like this one because the girl was sizzling hot.

Erm... some street in Vienna.

Erm... some church in Vienna

Erm... should be the Opera house... I think. Also in Vienna.

Ah. the most Awesome Toilet in all of Vienna. This was the defining moment in Vienna for me. In the capital of Music, I went into a toilet that played classical music. Brilliant. Pure Class.

I lie. THIS was the defining moment in Vienna for me. The elephant statue was so freaking cute that it left me no choice but to surf it. But not before placing a leaf on its nose so that it could fly. (Dumbo anyone?)

The greatest thing about Eastern Europe was that Joe and Huiyi (Oktoberfest Buddies) were joining us. And so when we finally met up with them, Joe was so excited to see me that he dropped all his bags, ran towards me and jumped into my warm embrace. I do literally mean jump as in jump off the ground and wrap his slender thighs around my manly waist, jump. Because they joined us a day late, the next day we brought them around Vienna (Marcus was busy). With Jiahui leading the way, we quickly lost our way.

But we eventually got back on track and we brought the two on the same tour Marcus provided us. But of course, having switched off, I had to make up stories for any of the things that I didn't remember. For example,

I asked Joe what did he think the netting was for. To which he replied that it was to prevent pigeons from going up there. Then with my most serious voice ever I told him, "Correct! That is one of the purpose. However, the main purpose of the netting is for safety. Back in 1862, a part of the dome collapsed and killed a man right here where we are standing. Since then, they've put up the netting so that if any part of the dome drops, it'll hit the netting and bounce back up to repair itself." Basically, Joe only finds out that my story is total bull only at the last moment and Vienna was filled with stories like that for them. Giggles~ Hilarity for me. Ahhh the ability to mesh truth and lies together so seamlessly is an art.

Away to Budapest, Hungary we went after 2 nights in Vienna where we were warmly welcomed by U-jin. U-jin is by far, the greatest host in all of mankind. If aliens came to invade Earth and I had to send one person to convince them otherwise, I would send U-jin. After receiving us with Hungarian treats, he brought us back to his AWESOME apartment where we would stay for the next 3 nights.

Mere words cannot describe how AWESOME his apartment is. Its sick. Its wicked. Its pure evil. His apartment consists of a living room..

... a kitchen where the entrance to the apartment lies. But when you step in, and you look into the apartment, you notice on your right, stairs. Stairs that lead you to... a freaking LOFT where his bed is!

I mean like what the eff? He's on exchange. I'm on exchange. The difference in living conditions are ridiculous.

I'd almost hate him except for the freaking AWESOME FOOD that he cooked for us the THREE NIGHTS we were there. I said it then and I'll say it again here, U-jin, I want to have your babies.

Salivation ensues.

The next day U-jin brought us on the most awesome tour of Budapest. Now because Joe and Huiyi would only be joining us a day later, I tried my very best to dutifully remember every single story that U-jin told so that the next day, when Joe and Huiyi arrived, I'd be able to repeat the tour for them. Early the next morning, the tour started with us climbing Gellert Hill where we found an awesome slide. Giggling like a little girl I ran up to take the slide...

... heehee. Epic PHAIL!!!

Cannon SURFING!

Check out my huge CANNON!! (Wan Li Chang Niao!)

Chance Meeting with Julia from SMU!!!

Parliament Building

Basilica of St Stephen

Heroes Square where the Heroes of Budapest are honoured.

By the time the day ended, I realised I had a monumental task ahead of me. The stories that U-jin told us of Budapest contained some that were downright unbelievable. The question then is, how am I going to tell these said stories to Joe and Huiyi when my credibility (due to the Vienna debacle) were at an all time low.

To my total and utter shock, disbelief of anything that came out of my mouth began EVEN BEFORE I told any story. Beginning the day, I told them that we would be going up Gellert Hill and we could get a nice view of Budapest from there. To which Huiyi replied, "Don't bluuffff~~" Here's a picture of them enjoying the good view I was bluffing them about atop the hill we weren't actually going to climb.

If my claims of intended destinations were suspect, they obviously didn't believed me when I told them that the chain bridge...

... due to a design flaw, had to be dismantled and kept inside this tunnel during winter.

And when I told them the balls of the horse of this statue were so shiny because students always rub them for good luck, I had thought for a moment that Joe believed me because he went to rub the balls together with me.

However, in the middle of our statue genital rubbing activities, another tour guide arrived and told the same story (albeit not as well as I did) It was at this time when Joe told me that he was actually just patronizing me and that he was shocked to realise that my story was true. And to think! I worked so hard to remember all of U-jin's stories and this is what I get in return! Where is the trust!?

My stay in Budapest ended at Buda Castle...

... and a beautiful view of Budapest by night.

And we left Budapest early the next morning for Prague, Czech Republic. With Huiyi leading the way we were worried we would get lost...

... but we didn't and we soon had sight of our destination, Prague Castle (tallest building in the distance) which we would reach after we crossed Charles' Bridge (on the left).

At the gates of Prague Castle

A Cathedral within the Castle grounds

By the time we decided to descend Prague Castle, the sun had begun to set. It wasn't that we spent a lot of time up there but the days are getting shorter in Europe and it becomes dark around 5pm as opposed to the 9pm when I had just arrived.

Prague in the even time

Old Town Square

Prague was a truly beautiful city and I enjoyed just doing nothing there. The two days we spent there was basically just us wandering around until meal times and stopping for drinks every once in a while...

... drinking what is supposed to be some of the best beers in the world.

Alas all good things must come to an end and we had to bid Joe and Huiss fare thee well as we were heading to Krakow, Poland. By this time, Joe and I had become close like lovers...

... and he really didn't want to let me leave...

... nonetheless on the night train we boarded and to Krakow we went. Thankfully I would see Joe again in Amsterdam.

We would only spend a day in Krakow because from all reports, Polish cities were uninteresting. It didn't help that we had no guide in Krakow nor even a rough itinerary. Expecting little by way of excitement from the city, I decided we had to create our own fun. And so, the night before in Prague, I read up on the many silly legends related to Krakow and told Jiahui and Clement the stories through out our time in Krakow. Unfortunately, Krakow was small. SO small that we had seen 40% of the sights before 10am. By accident.

Before long, I had related the story of how the two towers of the Church came to be of different heights. The story of the Trumpeter. And the Legend of the Pigeons of Krakow.

All these stories were related to the church and I was almost out of stories to tell with only 1 story left before lunch time. Just beside the Church was the Cloth Hall...

... the oldest departmental store in the world. The Cloth Hall was situated right beside the Church in the town square and so basically, by lunch time, all that was left to see in Krakow, was the Wawel castle atop Wawel Hill and the one story of the Dragon of Krakow.

Making our way to Wawel Castle, a "grueling" 5 min walk, we were shocked to realise that we had reached the castle. The shock came on two levels, first, this is the Castle???????

We were not impressed. Secondly, this meant we had nothing left to see in Krakow, no more stories since the Dragon of Krakow story was about the Dragon living in the hill on which the "castle" was built upon, and it was barely 2pm. All that was left for us to do was to explore the castle and to visit the fire breathing dragon statue.

Exploring the Castle, the clock bells rung and Jiahui, thoroughly amazed, exclaimed, "got CROCK!" Capturing this precise moment by pure luck on camera, Jiahui's bimboticness is forever immortalized.

Basically, the fire breathing dragon statue was the highlight of my stay in Krakow and I was excited from the very beginning about the prospect of seeing the fire breathing dragon statue. I mean how cool is that!? A fire breathing statue! And I was excitedly telling Clement and Jiahui about how we need to catch a picture of us and the dragon spewing fire. As it turns out, the two of them actually didn't believe me when I told them about the fire breathing dragon and they were only patronizing me! (Just like Joseph!)

And so when the statue...

... spewed flames, as was the cloak of disbelief finally shed.

Eastern Europe. The one where no one believes me.

Things on my mind:
Passing my exams
Mayday's new album
GERGER IS COMING SOON!!!
BOoOOOooBies!

Mama~Mia! Smuggers invade Italy! (22nd-29th Oct)

2008-11-01T06:09:00.016+08:00

Disclaimer: Remember how I said the post about Oktoberfest was really LONG? Well this is Longer. Seriously. It took me 3 separate sittings to finish this post. If you finish reading this post, leave a tag and you'll go onto the list of people that I need to hug when I return to Singapore.

I went to Italy with one mission. 1 Gelato per day, everyday, in Italy. I'll be honest, I've been eating more ice-creams and desserts in the 2 months I've been away from Singapore, than I usually eat in 2 years. I kid you not. Italy, was not going to make the situation any better.

Unfortunately, Italy didn't start off so well with me getting a horrid throat infection just as we left Mannheim. It was a dry cough with a sore throat so bad it felt like barbed wire was being dragged out from inside my throat. Delightful.

And so we arrived in Venice (No prizes for guessing who 'we' is) and we soon realised that we had missed our stop and were on the island Venice itself when really, we were supposed to check into the hostel at the non-island part (and thus less touristy and cheaper) of Venice. After a quick trip to and back from our hostel, we were ready to see Venice. We spent the day wandering Venice and not really visiting any tourist attractions because we were waiting for the rest of our party to arrive the next morning.

Besides, visiting the Frari Church...

... we really did not do much beyond taking some photos of the places we would be visiting the next day...

... I got to eat some of the sweetest fruits I've ever tasted on the Realto Bridge...

... and Operation: Gelato Finito (OGF) commenced.

The next day, we met up with U-jin and his two friends, Renato (a Brazilian) and Vincent (imitation goods produced in Taiwan and branded in the USA. Nothing compared to the owner of this blog) and sightseeing in Venice commenced in earnest. Here they are, starting from the left, Vincent, U-jin, the back of Renato's head, Jiahui and yours truly, the one true Vincent.

You can observe from the composition of the shot, the relative importance of the people on the trip. Size of face proportional to importance. And because the previous statement holds true, Jiahui's importance is growing every day.

Anyways we spent the day looking around Venice and I unfortunately must say that Venice was probably overrated. Either that or you'd have to have a bigger budget to really enjoy it. The city is romantic, I'll give you that. And you can spend quite a bit of time wandering the streets but after a bit, the alleys blend and suddenly everything looks pretty much the same as the alley before it. The places that stood out as remarkably different were the Realto Bridge...

... and the San Marco's Plaza.

After day 2 of OGF...

...we actually ran into Hanxian from SMU. Venice was not some place I was expecting to see a familiar face. That night, we took the red-eye train out of Venice and into Florence.

Ahh Florence. Home to Michelangelo's David. The supposed "Perfect Man." I suppose we cannot fault Michelangelo for having being born too early to sculpt me, Vincent, the truly perfect man. Nonetheless, after checking into our Hostel, we headed straight to the Accademia to see what should have been a scuplture of me.

Truly David was breathtaking. And obviously phototaking was not allowed. Like I care.

Inside the Accademia, we ran into Huiyi! (Remember the hot babe from my Oktoberfest photo?) Excited at our chance encounter, we started taking photos inside the Museum with David in the background. Clearly, we don't give a shit. I wish I could post these photos though but I haven't gotten them.

Found a huge bottle of Nutella. Sweet.

Florence is really quite a compact city with all the major sites quite near each other and as a result, we passed by the Duomo...

... and crossed the Ponte Vecchio countless times.

Apparently, couples used to come to the Ponte Vecchio to lock a padlock with their name on it and throw away the key into the river. Locks in the love apparently. Unfortunately, the officials of Florence thought that it was too polluting to have so many keys in the river and stopped people from doing it any longer. Boooooo.

At the bridge I got to have the best Gelato in Florence courtesy of gal pal Huiyi (the guidebook she bought me recommended the place). And so day 3 of OGF went ahead without a hitch.

Rubbing the nose of this wild boar apparently brings you back to Florence.

The Palace in Florence looked pretty dull, so I decided to surf the Turtle in front of the Palace instead. This sparked off a surfing frenzy in me which you will soon see in coming posts.

However, that evening, climbing up to the Piazza Michelangelo to get a good view of the city, my camera started to give me problems and when I was at the top of the hill, my camera couldn't work!!! I was so depressed!!! There I was with an awesome view of Florence and nothing to take it with. That's when, noticing my affected mood, Jiahui passed me her camera and asked me to take photos with it. She said, "I think the utility you get from taking photos is much higher than mine." SCHOOOO SWEEET! Here's a shout out to all SMU people, even though Jiahui looks quite hostile and everything, beneath her ice cold exterior is a very nice and sweet girl! Really! Eventually, my camera started working again and I returned Jiahui's to her and took this photo to remember this moment where Jiahui's sweetness was more obvious than other days where its more well camouflaged.

Florence!

That night we finally found this Gelato place recommended by Huiyi (the Oktoberfest one) and it looked freaking exciting.

Look at it! It's like the Las Vegas of Gelato. And the range of flavours were insane! We decided to return to this place the next day for Operation: Gelato Finito.

Day 4 OGF

Realising that the next day would be a difficult day to get Gelato, we decided pre-empt any possible Gelato shortage by preconsuming day 5's Gelato. And so on the night of day 4, we had a second round of Gelato.

With that, we said goodbye to Florence and the next day would see us in 3 Italian cities.

We first hit Livorno. I'll admit, I didn't really want to go to Livorno. I wanted to go to Pisa and head to Rome and spend a little bit more time there. But since we all slept past the Pisa stop and the next stop was Livorno, the decision to go to Livorno was kinda made for me. However, Livorno was surprisingly nice! And we just spent an hour or two just chilling at the beach and looking at the sea.

Took a picture of a sea urchin!

And accidentally dipped my leg into the water while trying to get a picture of a crab. Basically left me with a wet foot the whole day. Marvelous.

We eventually got to Pisa and took photos in the exact same pose that everyone that has and will come to Pisa takes. Holding up the tower shot.

Everyone does it. See.

Does everyone know why the Tower of Pisa leans? Its quite simple really, the tower leans towards the South-East. And who, until recently, has always been living in South-East Asia?? In the Island of Singapore???? Clearly the tower leans because it is drawn to my sexiness. Fact.

Of course, all roads lead to Rome, and so that was where we went. Arriving that very night what immediately struck you was how... epic everything there was.

Spanish Steps! EPIC!

Trevi Fountain! EPIC!

Throwing a coin in ensures your return to Rome! EPIC!!!!!!

CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH AIHUI IN MY HOSTEL!!!! EPPPIIIICCCCC!!!! That night I slept under the same roof as two out of three of the Hey Gorgeous SMU finalists. Sigh....

The next day we explored Rome in full force and we were blessed with good weather. Beautiful.

Colosseum. This is the place where a Gladiator by the name of Russell Crowe owned an Emperor named Joaquin Phoenix by screaming, "Are you not entertained!" before proceeding to open a huge can of Whoopass on all of Rome.

Arch of Constantine. Supposedly a super awesome dude named Constantine owned some people and became sole Emperor and decided that if you weren't Christian you kinda had to die. Not surprisingly Christianity became the dominant religion in the Roman Empire after that.

Palatine Hill!! Its a Hill! With Rocks! EPIC!

The Forum!

There are also about 70 billions shots of Churches and their interiors but I really don't remember any of the Church names... All except the Pantheon.

That night we finally found our Gelato place completing Day 6 OGF.

Jiahui got this thing... this monstrosity called the TARTUFO. Also known as Death.... by Chocolate. Here they are lined up in a morgue-like display. Rows upon rows of death.

We ended our night there because the weather started to become quite shitty. In fact it stayed that way the whole of the next day and we were caught in the rain most of the time. Thankfully, we were visiting Vatican City and its Musuem meaning we would be indoors. Of course we didn't count on the wait to GET indoors.

But inside we saw masterpiece ...

... after masterpiece ...

... and a sculpture of the Romans engaging in their favourite pastime, Rock Paper Scissors.

Epic Hallways...

But we were eventually able to get into the highlight of the day, the Sistine Chapel. Where we were absolutely forbidden from taking photos. Like I care.

Even the exit was Epic.

We went to St. Peter's Basilica next...

... where I was greeted with... EPIC CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH AMBROSE!

While queuing into the Basilica, we saw a beautiful rainbow!

Question, how do rainbows form? Wiki says that you can observe rainbows whenever there is sunlight and there are water droplets in the air... that would mean that it was RAINING!!! Raining while we were queuing to get into the Basilica! On the bright side we got good weather on the first day so that, I guess, was something to be thankful for.

The Basilica! One... last... time.... EPPPPIIICCCCC!

When I finally got into the Basilica, I think it was at this point where I decided that there was really nothing more in Europe that I desperately wanted to see. Well actually, there's still the stuff in London and Paris but I'll be doing that just before returning to Singapore so no worries there. Basically it was at this precise moment that I had my fill of Museums and Churchs and Rathauses and Towers and Bridges and Statues and Parks and Gardens. From here on out, all I really wanted was to Chillax. People watch. Take it easy.

Remember how I was ill at the start? By the end of this trip, I had gotten better. And I think it had everything to do with the daily Gelato. ALAS! Due to the miserable weather, we were unable to have our final Gelato and OGF was a failure! Still~ 6 of 7 is not a bad statistic. It also shames me to say this but I had infected U-jin AND Jiahui with my virus and made them both sick. A million apologies to you two! I really feel super bad about it! Srs Prs.

Italy was tiring, but enjoyable. Unfortunately, there would be no rest for the weary as my trip though Eastern Europe would begin in a mere 3 days! It's almost like I have no class!

Things on my mind:
Compiling a list of people I need to hug when I get back to Singapore
Shroooms!!!!
Fish tank Boobies!!!
Gerger. SRSLY.

A Weekend of Pastries (17th-18th Oct)

2008-10-19T05:41:00.009+08:00

This is a momentous occasion my friends. One that calls for celebration. My posts are actually up to date. I have completed blogging about everything (well less the 7 backdated posts about Spain) up till this point. And this post created on the 19/10 is about my trips in the past two days. This post is hot off the press my friends.

On Friday, we traveled out to Germany for the first time since Spain. And where else to go but to France. Strasbourg is a border town between Germany and France, something like 5 mins from the German border. Nonetheless, this was my first time in France.

Strasbourg has some surprisingly nice architecture, something we were definitely not expecting to see.

Rather, the main aim of going into Strasbourg was to visit some French pâtisseries and get our filthy hands on some Eclairs. For some weird reason, I had this severe craving for a Chocolate Eclair (having already sated the ones for Fish and Duck) and I had ranted on and on about how I was going to eat all the Eclairs in Strasbourg.

We basically spent the day exploring the city...

... and lusting for chocolates and pastries and cakes and etc etc...

... and at the end of the day, the craving for Eclairs was satisfied. And the mission to consume EVERY single Chocolate Eclair in Strasbourg was complete. There was literally no more Chocolate Eclairs left in Strasbourg after we departed.

Today, (technically yesterday because its past 12 midnight) we headed out to Rothenburg, apparently one of the best preserved medieval towns in Germany. The old city center even had its city walls still intact!

But more exciting is the specialty of Rothenburg, Schneeballen! Literally Snow Ball! It was basically a huge ball shaped biscuit covered in various types of Chocolate.

Look at Jiahui so SHOCKED to see the numerous flavours to choose from...

... followed by the look of absolute indecision of which one to choose. She was actually making whining noises at this point because she couldn't decide which one to get.

We finally picked our Flavours. (Mine)

(Jiahui's)

Alas, too bad the Schneeballen actually didn't taste very good. If you're wondering what is up with the pose. Its my "瘦瘦脸" pose. I do it whenever I'm going to eat something fattening.

We continued exploring the town. The town was old but beautiful. Having both the charm of an old German town as well as the rustic feeling of a medieval town. It was as if Heidelberg and Toledo had a baby and it became Rothenburg. (This would make more sense if I had actually blogged about Spain).

We even climbed up to the tower of the Rathaus to be conned by the locals. After climbing an insane 217 steps, we reached the top where a man collected a fee for going to the top of the tower. 2EU. Having climbed almost all the way to the top before they asked for the money, we decided to pay to complete the climb so we could get a good view of the city. Conman MAX.

At least the view was not bad. Sigh.

I was pretty tired at the end of the day. Traveling 4 hours to get to some place just to hang out there for about 4 hours before having to travel another 4 hours home is not exactly very fun. All in all, it was still a pretty nice weekend.

Things on my mind:
Severe IRRITATEDNESS
Travel Fatigue
Halfway Point
Conversation
Boobies
Gerger

The Importance of Being Polite (11th Oct)

2008-10-17T05:42:00.006+08:00

The last time we were out with Visum, we had the best night we would never remember. This time we had a day we wouldn't mind not remembering. Visum goes to Frankfurt and unfortunately, we decided to tag along.

It actually seems like I'm blaming them but I'm not. Truth be told, Frankfurt just wasn't a very exciting place. After you've been to Berlin and Munich and, well basically all the awesome places in Germany, Frankfurt just didn't cut it as a tourist destination.

And so for the rest of the walking tour, I was taking pictures simply to be polite.

Oh the European Central Bank?! Nice like EU sign. I'll take a picture.

The old opera house? Oh well... doesn't look that impressive. Take a picture of it since everyone's doing the same.

The cathedral? Yea... I've kinda seen the Sagrada Familia. So.. yea.. sorry. Not impressed. But yea, since I'm here, I'll take a picture of you just for posterity's sake.

There was once I even took a picture of the WRONG building because they building of note looked rather... plain.

We came upon a square that had a lot of old buildings but... Heidelberg, which was the very first place outside of Mannheim we went, was a town filled with buildings like these. (You don't know this because I've backdated posts about Heidelberg and Spain.)

The high point of the trip came when we scattered for lunch. We were told to meet back again at 7pm for our Apfel Wein Express.

And so the hunt for food began. While the sights were lacking in Frankfurt, the food was not. We found a place that had a lunch buffet serving Japanische und Chinesische food. I have no idea how to express to you how excited we were just standing there in the restaurant waiting for our seats. Just the night before, Jiazi and my friends in Singapore went out for Sushi and my friends got her to take a picture of the Sushi and to send it to me because they knew I'd not be able to get Sushi here in Germany. (Sushi is insanely expensive here. Like 3EU for a plate of ONE Sushi.) Thanks you bastards. I'll get you guys when I'm back.

Well the jokes on you. BEHOLD!

For the next hour or so, we basically unleashed the floodgates of self control and gorged ourselves on the much missed Sushi. The best thing was that this wasn't lousy Sushi. This was Sushi as good as any you can get in Singapore. We basically ate so much that we couldn't move.

And so Jiahui and I discussed what to do for the rest of the day in Frankfurt and we basically agreed there was nothing we really wanted to do or see in this place. So we decided that this would be a Chillax day and we just wandered the city...

...walked by a park...

...and finally settled down in a cafe to have some Heise Schokolade. Over our drinks, we talked about everything under the sun until we came upon the topic of.. Ambrose. Besides talking about the people he loves/hates, Jiahui talked about how for the rest of the Exchange I would not being seeing much of Ambrose anymore. From previous posts you might have garnered some sense of how much spastic fun I have with the bugger. And so it was of course regrettable that the next time I saw Ambrose would be be simultaneously be my last time with him; during our trip to be Europapark.

So imagine my surprise when I looked up and I saw Ambrose just walking through the streets of Frankfurt. I shot up from my seat and ran in front of him and screamed into his face, "BEAUTY!" (I actually scared the hell out of his friends and everyone in the cafe was staring at me, the crazy asian dude) He was supposed to reply "Wu!" but in his shock, he screamed "What the FUCK!?" instead. (It's actually supposed to go Beauty-Wu-Jia-Hui)

This was a rather high point in the day and we took a picture to commemorate our chance encounter in Frankfurt that took place in front of the Golden Arches of Mcdonalds. The power of the Fast Food Song unites friends in distant lands.

That night we went aboard the Apfel Wein Express which was basically a tram that took you through a tour of Frankfurt while serving Applewine. Most. Boring. Tour. Ever. The tram had bad temperature and bad music. The view outside was dark so we couldn't see anything. And even if we could, they showed us stuff we've already seen in the afternoon. After a while the view turned from bad to worse and we were eventually going through boring looking residential districts. Its like taking a tour through Bedok and Tampines. Nice.

Luckily there was plenty of Applewine and we simple drank enough to create an Alcohol-induced-Awesomeness and we were soon having fun.

The Apfel Wein Expressed ended our trip to Frankfurt and we all concurred that we would only return to Frankfurt for one reason. The Lunch Buffet.

Things on my mind:
Extreme Anger
Strasbourg (Out of Germany for once!)
Chocolates
Praying that the German weighing machines are liars
Bah Kut Teh
Boobies
Gerger

Because One Bierfest is not Enough (9th Oct)

2008-10-17T03:34:00.007+08:00

Because one is not enough, we decided to go to the Stuttgart Bierfest, one of the largest Bierfests in the world, second only to Oktoberfest in Munich. We simply had too much fun at Oktoberfest and we craved more.

Once we were there we took a bit of time to explore the festival before heading to the tents. I guess after you've seen Oktoberfest its quite hard to be impress by any other festival. Moreover, we were there on a Thursday afternoon, so we're not really expecting to see anything but an elderly crowd.

Marge Simpson Upskirt.

We headed into the tents and as expected, it just wasn't as... awesome as the one in Munich.

We quickly settled in and ordered our Beers so that we could create an alcohol-induced awesomeness to the place. And it WORKED! Though nothing could ever beat the fun I had in Munich, but when they played the Fast Food Song, it almost came close.

A long time ago (for me that is), someone showed me this video on Youtube of this hot girl who was dancing to the Fast Food Song.

And so when they played the familiar tune, we couldn't help but start singing to dancing to the song.

The girl from youtube might have looked a bit better than us, but we were having the most retarded fun ever. Climax of the day.

All would have went well until for some retarded reason, I decided to mix half of glass of Clement's wine into my 2nd mug of beer. I'm going to use something from Jiahui's blog here: Turned out to be not that smart a choice after all.

We were all pretty far gone that day, me a little bit further than the rest.

Things on my mind:
The increasing probability of failing my exams
Not caring because I'm having too much fun
Excited about having Shrooms in Amsterdam
A dream about Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman
Boobies
Gerger

Fish and Duck. Fisch und Ente. Otherwise known as Hamburg and Berlin (2nd-5th Oct)

2008-10-12T07:37:00.009+08:00

Good fish is hard to find in Germany. I've never appreciated the availability of fish in Singapore until I came to Germany. The fish that you see are frozen, do not look fresh and frankly, much too expensive. Ahhhh, but there is one place in Germany you can get fresh fish. Welcome my friends, to Hamburg.

The 4 day trip to Hamburg and Berlin was always about one thing. To get our hands on some fish. I love meats, no doubt about it. But sometimes, you just want a little variation to your diet.

The hunt for fish began instantly we set foot in Hamburg and we quickly surged forward in search of a nice restaurant that served fish. We've never really dined in restaurants in Germany because its generally quite expensive but the idea of sinking our teeth into the fresh, tender flesh of a fish was too tempting and the decision was made to make an exception. We understood, however, that the search might be long and arduous and so we decided to get a little fish fix first. Fish and Chips.

It looks like we each bought a pack but it's actually just one pack shared between the two of us because, well we needed to keep ourselves ready for the main course.

As we walked through the streets of Hamburg, we realised that there was really nothing much to see. And before we knew it, we had accidentally covered maybe 1/3 of the major sights. The sights were not particularly impressive either and coupled with the gloomy and cold weather, Hamburg is a city I took some of the least pictures in.

As we approached the Rathaus however, I was taken aback by the most unusual sight!

I saw a swan just walking around the square!

Recognizing the situation as an opportunity to get the closest I'll ever get to a swan, I approached the swan and stood in front of it contemplating whether or not to pet it. That's when I discovered that I was in the presence of a terrorist swan. Just as I was about to reach forward to pet the bird, it bit my shoe! Imagine my shock! The swan would carry on to terrorize other people in the square who were just trying to have their lunch.

As the search for fish drew on, we realised that the place where we got the Fish and Chips presented itself as the best choice to satisfy our cravings. And so we returned to Daniel Wischer!

Unable to decide what to order, I saw a particularly appetizing dish served to a gentleman in the nearby table. Noticing my curiosity, a friendly German (well they're all friendly) asked me if I wanted to know what that was, to which I replied in the affirmative. And so I ordered the 'Homemade Pickled Herring with Fried Potatoes.'

Can you believe that there were not one but TWO herrings on the plate????? I've never had so much fish in a single meal! And it wasn't even that expensive! The dish cost me 7.70EU. Reasonable by any standards. But the serving screamed one word: VALUE. There was too much fish for me to finish and I had to actually ask Jiahui to help me finish my food.

Actually the rest of Hamburg was pretty boring, by the time Clement and Ambrose joined us, we had pretty much seen most of Hamburg and by night, we've seen all of Hamburg. Unfortunately, we had another full day of Hamburg the next day and that basically meant we had way too much time to kill. In fact the next night, we would be taking the late trains in to Berlin so we can save on one night's accommodation. The next day we pretty much just tried to kill time shopping and wandering and waited for night to come.

The red-eye train was an experience not to be forgotten. Grabbing sleep in 1 hour windows and spending the longest, coldest hour in a train station waiting for the next train to arrive.

And finally arriving the next morning in Berlin.

I think everybody was a little irritated that I wanted to take photos of them in their most unglam moment.

The first place we headed to was the hostel to dump our bags and on the way there I made the newest addition to my "opening the door to my car" range of photos.

Our first day in Berlin was spent in Potsdam and the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp. Potsdam was basically a town some 45mins out of Berlin and had a high concentration of castles to see. However, the weather still hadn't improved and so the urge to whip out our cameras were largely subdued. The pictures are so gloomy I shan't bother with any of them.

I should take this opportunity to tell you now that I have not been paying for public transport here in Germany. The Germans work on a trust system and they have conductors who exact a 40-80EU fine from you for evading fares. Somehow, for the first time, we decided to get the bus ticket here for Berlin. And the ONE time we get our ticket, we got checked by a plainsclothes conductor! YES!

Talk about VALUE.

Thankfully, by the time we reached the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp, the weather improved and we spent a bit of time wandering the memorial.

By the time we left it was dark and it was time to find something to eat. That's when we came upon... CRISPY DUCK. Since Munich, Ambrose and I have been craving for ducks, so much so that we chased ducks around the pond. Since the craving for fish had already been satisfied, the craving for duck meat had risen to the top. And so, when we chanced upon this eatery that sold Crispy Duck, we had NO CHOICE but to go in for dinner. Most satisfying dinner, ever.

We returned to Berlin to get a much needed night's rest but not before visiting the Brandenburg Gate to see it by night.

The next day we toured Berlin in earnest and despite the wet and cold weather, the walking tour of Berlin was amazing and really brought the city to life. So much history. I'm not going to post too many pictures of Berlin simply because, come December, I'm going to bring my boyfriend and my girlfriend back to Berlin and they should see it for themselves rather than letting my pictures spoil the experience.

Brandenberg Gate by day.

A path running all through Berlin showing where the Berlin Wall used to run.

The hotel where Michael Jackson dangled his Baby. 12,500EU per room night. Nice.

Berliner Dome.

And so the LONG weekend came to an end and we headed back to Mannheim. Despite the lousy weather, Berlin was wonderful and is definitely one of my favourite cities. But most importantly, this was the weekend, where we ate both Fish, and Duck. Say it really fast and you may Dish and Fuck.

Things on my mind:
7 Posts about Spain that may never get posted
The up and coming Italy trip
Marketing Presentation (Shock right?)
Missing KTV
Missing Asian Boobies
Gerger

Operation: Clean Sweep (Appendix A-1 of Ducks, Unicorns and Elven Beermaids in a Foggy Fairy Tale Castle)

2008-10-11T05:17:00.005+08:00

Just when you thought that post was over. The LONGEST POST CARRIES ON GOING.

I previously mentioned that we had two missions, 1) to steal Oktoberfest Beermugs for everyone and 2) to get Oktoboobies.

How were these mission accomplished? One might wonder. Rack your brain no more my faithful reader as all will be revealed!

After joining up with Joe and Huiss, we headed to the tent and in truth, Mission 1 had already commenced then. We went in once and tried to bring out the Mugs so as to be able to ascertain the security countermeasures employed by the tents. Each tent had 2-3 exits and each exit was covered by 2-3 security guards who would tap down the bags of people leaving to make sure they weren't carrying any mugs with them. Ingenious.

Unfortunately they were unable to outwit Ambrose (Black Fox) and I (Brown Bear) [Private Joke here, sorry]. We came up with 3 plans to secure our package.

Plan A
We would have two teams. Team A would act drunk and try and distract the guards by going up to their faces and going BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! (Much like the drunk guy at the train station)

Plan B
A variation of Plan A. Team A would intentionally get caught while Team B would escape whilst the members in Team A were being apprehended by Security.

Plan C
We would all act drunk and try our luck.

We went with Plan C. Deliciously devious.

And so Ambrose and I (Joe was also involved in the operation but he was quite a peripheral character as he achieved nothing) acted drunk and started singing while hiding the mugs under our jacket. The hope was that we would look so wasted that we most certainly couldn't be in the right mental capacity to exact pilferage.

Security was not fooled. Obviously having seen this before he stepped in front of us and said, "Ja ja ja ja ja." Translated into English this means, "Ya ya ya ya ya." With a look that said, Yea.. right. As if I'm that stupid. He promptly relieved us of our Mugs. Sadly he was THAT stupid. While he did in fact repossess Ambrose's mug as well as mine, he did not count on my hands holding TWO MUGS! FISTS OF GLORY grasped around the first mug acquired in Operation: Clean Sweep and we cheered and celebrated our first of many victories.

We would continue the operation the next morning when, hopefully, the security would slacken. And when the next morning came, slacken they did. Whittled down to a mere guard or two covering each exit. Our job became that much easier. So after drinking our beers, we attempted to hide the mug in Joe's camera bag. This turned out to work really well and we were able to pull off the heist without a hitch. The moment we walked out of the tent however, Joe excited turned around and slapped the camera bag and screamed, "We DID IT DUDES!!!" However, Joe with a painfully low awareness of his surroundings chose to do this right in front of Security. Luckily the guard was distracted by Oktoboobies and did not notice Joe's act of idiocy. (I guess Joe wasn't peripheral. I might go so far as to say that he was a burden.)

With our technique polished, we quickly stole enough mugs for everyone. In one of the Mug runs however, I caught sight of a nice pair of Oktoboobies. What are Oktoboobies? Oktoboobies are no normal boobies. They are the boobies of the Bavarian beermaids and the traditional clothing of Bavaria REQUIRES and are thus designed in a way such that the boobies WILL overflow. While these weren't the biggest around, (there were some extremely HUGE ones) but she was the barmaid with the most free time and so I approached her for a photo. Plus she looked pretty decent. There were some barmaid that seemed to have Oktoboobies that were huge as a safety measure to prevent you from looking at their face.

Sie hat Holz vor der Hütte! Or in English, She has BIG BOOBIES! (Or literally she has wood for the hut!)

And thus both missions were complete. Operation: Clean Sweep. Mission Successful.

Things on my mind:
Boobies
Oktoboobies
International Multicultural Boobies
Chicken Breasts
Gerger

We are EXCHANGE STUDENTS!

2008-10-11T04:55:00.002+08:00

Its obviously no secret that exchange students are slackers and aren't here to learn. We're on exchange so we can have fun. One of the modules that Jiahui and I are taking together, E-Government, has a presentation that grants you a bonus grade. But it won't change your grade from a fail to a pass though. Nonetheless, we decided to present because we wanted to show Germany how owning SMU presentations are. Plus Jiahui and I are insanely good presenters.

However as the presentation date drew nearer... we started to feel... unmotivated. The key word here is VALUE. Everything we do in Germany must have VALUE. If its not VALUE, then there's no point doing it. 4EU for a lunch? Sure! But only if the portions are huge. Its all about VALUE.

The time now, by the way is 2303 of Friday night 10/10/08. The presentation is on Tuesday afternoon 14/10/08. And after trying to read the stupid article, we just got too irritated at the incomprehensible language. After much deliberation, we decided to tell the TA that we were no longer presenting. The excuse? We are EXCHANGE STUDENTS.

Ladies and Gentlemen, what you are about to see next is raw and uncut. The following is the actual Email I sent to the TA.

Dear Nils,

I would just like to inform you that we've changed our minds about presenting because the bonus grade does not affect us as exchange students. Thus we will NOT be presenting the case. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Regards,
Vincent

We are EXCHANGE STUDENTS. PHARK YEA!

Things on my mind:
Wasted
WAAAWAAAAWAAAASTED
Iron Chef Fu
EXCHANGE STUDENTS!
Boobies
Gerger

Ducks, Unicorns and Elven Beermaids in a Foggy Fairy Tale Castle (26th-29th Sept)

2008-10-02T04:18:00.024+08:00

Disclaimer: This is a really LONG post. I wanted to name it the EPIC post but that post already exists. But this post is REALLY long. No joke. In fact if you're going to sleep soon, don't start reading it now. Instead wait for a situation where you have more time to kill. Like in class or at work. Maybe the night before a really big presentation. That'll do as well. Either way try to get to the end of the post. For guys, there are a lot of pictures of hot girls. For girls, there are a lot of pictures of me. Hope that's motivation enough for you.

Our story begins in the island nation of Singapore, far away from where our Protagonist, the Valiant Prince Vincent lives. Some months ago, Queen of a dying nation, Wu Jiahui was informed by a friend and trusted advisor that she had to visit Austria before October else she would miss the Eagle's Nest. And so Jiahui told me about the Eagles near Austria and their nests. And we agreed that we might as well go see it.

Some time later in Germany, I mentioned to Jiahui that I wanted to see Eagle's Nest which was a mountain lodge that was a Birthday present for Hitler but the attraction closes by October. We finally put two and two together and realised that we were talking about the same Eagle's Nest except that there weren't any eagles. Now I just want to make it clear that I'm not mocking Jiahui or anything because most of you will think that I am. The only reason I knew about Eagle's Nest was because I watched Band of Brothers.

Ambrose watched Band of Brothers too. So the moment he realised that Eagle's Nest was from Band of Brothers he was like, FUCK CLASS. I'm coming to find you in Mannheim tomorrow and we'll head down to Eagle's Nest together!

And so tag team duo Jiahui and Vincent, a combination just exploding with sexiness, joined up with Ambrose and together, the three of us traveled for the weekend.

And so we set off for Eagle's Nest on an early Friday morning and we finally arrived in Berchgarten around noon. Not much to see here but its a popular home base for visiting Eagle's Nest and we were staying the night.

To get to Eagle's Nest we had to take a bus to this place where we could take this other bus through the road blasted out of the mountains so we could go to this place where we could take an elevator up to Eagle's Nest. This cost like 21EU just to get there by the way. All along the way up, the view was beautiful and we saw the Bavarian Alps in the distance. I thought to myself, Don't worry, the view from up at Eagle's Nest will be even more breathtaking. This was what it was like just before we took the lift up.

And when we got there, this was what we were supposed to see...

But instead, we saw this.

The weather had turned really really cold and foggy. In fact it was 0.3 degrees. Officially the coldest temperature I've ever experienced. And so sadly, the beautiful view of the alps were replaced with a fog so bad you couldn't see past 10 metres. But it was SNOWING! First time I ever saw snow. Schoo Happy. Just the day before Jiahui and I were actually talking about how sad we were that we might not actually get to see snow at all. Divine providence.

We eventually made our way back to the hostel because there really was nothing left to do. Once again, in an effort to prevent our sexiness from being too overwhelming, the Hostel split Jiahui and me up into two different rooms. The hostel used the excuse that they had separate male and female quarters to prevent one room from containing too much raw sexy energy. Naturally, Jiahui was pitifully cast away, yet again, to the "other building" while me and Ambrose stayed in our awesome building where we had proper showers and sinks in our rooms. In contrast, Jiahui's shower was a row of taps that wasn't even above head level and no sinks. Honestly, Jiahui's shower looked like it could only be used to give babies showers. As Ambrose put it, her shower looked like a prison's.

That night however, in my luxurious quarters, I encountered the EAGLES NEST MONSTER. Because the hostel bed were positioned side by side, (at least the one I was sleeping on) I was literally sleeping right next to this guy. Mere hours into my slumber, I was awaken by the guttural grunts of the savage Eagle's Nest Monster. The person sleeping beside me was snoring like a diesel powered tractor. Because of his position, he was literally snoring INTO my ear. He basically kept me up from 330am.

Finally, morning arrived and I gave up my futile attempt to fall asleep amidst the Eagle's Nest Monster's staggered and irregular snoring. We had to rush to leave the hostel for the train station because, 1) we needed to catch a really early train (705am) and 2) the hostel really wasn't that near the Haupbahnhoff. Thing is, the hostel locks its doors from 12am to 630am and so the earliest we could leave was 630am, which really gave us just about enough time to walk down to the train station. But of course, that wouldn't be interesting. No. The stupid hostel staff had to be LATE to unlock the door when we were running on a tight schedule. 10mins late to be precise. And so the morning, which I was already awake for 3 hours for, still ended up as a rush even though we were preped and ready ahead of schedule. If you're wondering, yes, this IS in fact, the same chain of hostels that brought to you the death climb back in Triberg (here). I <3>

Nonetheless, we arrived in Fussen on time. Ahhh, Fussen. Home to the fairy tale castle of Neuschwanstein. Apparently when the Disney castle was being built, it was modeled after the Neuschwanstein castle. There was also another castle, Hohenschwangau, but we skipped it due to a lack of time.

We grabbed a quick lunch before heading up to the castle and it was my first time having sauerkraut here in Germany. Apparently sauerkraut and pork knuckles aren't actually German food but rather Bavarian food. Meaning you only find it in South-Eastern Germany in the regions near Munich.

We took a bus up to a bridge called the Mariensbrucke where we had a beautiful view of the castle and the surrounding area. (Beautiful has been used a lot in this blog recently hasn't it?) Look at the castle spires. SOOOOOOO Disney.

Unfortunately there was no phototaking in the castle itself but the castle decor was elaborate indeed. Each room was themed to a particular opera and so the walls were decorated with frescoes with scenes from that particular opera (Tristan and Isolde for example). The castle was extravagant to say the least and the King, Ludwig the Second, actually never completed the castle so all we could see were something like 6 rooms. That did not in anyway diminish the impressiveness of the castle. For example, Ludwig's bed was an elaborate wooden carving that took wood carvers 4 years to complete. I know. Woah.

A view from the castle.

Now since arriving in Europe, Jiahui and I have been getting a lot of Konichiwas from the European who basically thinks that all asians are either Konichiwas or Ni Haos with the greater propotion of them thinking that we are Konichiwas. Being a Chindian, Ambrose had never experienced any Konichiwas and so when he saw it for the first time, he was so darn amused that he decided to Konichiwa any and all Asians that we ran into from then on out. So after a whole afternoon of Konichiwas, he suddenly self-pwned when a man he Konichiwa-ed to was so delighted to find a person who spoke nihongo that he burst out in a whole conversation with Ambrose in Japanese.

Ambrose: Konichiwa!
Man: Konichiwa!! (Wall of Japanese Text)
Ambrose: Hai! (Figuring he wants a picture of himself taken)
Man poses.
Ambrose: Ichi! Ni! San! Man: (Wall of Japanese Text)
Us: Sayonara!!!

With nothing left in Fussen to do, we left for Munich to attend the greatest festival in the world. Oktoberfest. Oktoberfest was crazy. Have you ever seen an entire CITY drunk? Even the train ride into Munich was crazy. The entire train was filled with people drinking. It was like they were warming up to get drunk. The floor was sticky with beer and there were beer bottles lying everywhere. It looked like the morning after the party except it was inside public transportation. There was this guy who came up to us and just went "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" and basically amused us a lot. Half a second later he was down on the floor grinning to himself.

That night we stayed in Wanlyn's place. Wanlyn is basically the hottest girl in Munich and as a result of that, I do not have any photos of her. Some have tried to take her photo but her hotness basically fries the camera lens. That night was the first night in Europe that I didn't need a blankest because her hotness basically kept all of warm the whole night through.

That night the Eagle's Nest Monster struck again. Apparently I was possessed by the Eagle's Nest Monster in Berchgarten and I started SNORING! GASP! According to Jiahui it was the most serious snoring session I have ever performed. So embarassing!

The next morning we went into the Paulaner tent and started drinking beer in the morning. Nice. And we weren't drinking sissy beer. We were drinking Oktobeer. Beer that's had its alcohol content upped so you can really test yourself. Beer that's served by the litre.

Jiahui the Alcoholic

And we had Pork Knuckles for breakfast. Because that's what Germans do. Ja!

For the rest of the day, we just saw the sights of Munich like the Olympic Stadium, BMW Museum and Allianz Arena. At the Olympic Stadium, Ambrose and I saw ducks and we decided that we missed duck so much that we decided to catch one for dinner. We spent the next 10-15mins chasing ducks around the pond.

That night we joined up with Joe and Huiss, Europe hottest non-couple second only to me and Jiahui and we headed to squeeze in one hotel room. (Accommodations are really hard to find during Oktoberfest.)

With Wanlyn no longer in the room, I totally felt the difference in temperature and that night I almost froze to death in my sleep. I actually dreamt that snow was blowing into the hotel room. This my friend is an indication of how hot Wanlyn is. So much so that the combined hotness of Joe, Huiyi, Jiahui and I could not compensate for her absence.

The next morning we went out with 2 missions. 1) to steal Oktoberfest Beermugs for everyone and 2) to get Oktoboobies. Sightseeing was absolutely a side mission with low priority but here's a picture of some building in Munich anyways. Just for posterity's sake.

As we headed to the tents, the HB tents this time around, for our morning beers, we tackled Oktoberfest in full force. Drinking beers with hundreds of people at the same time singing Ein Prosit and eating metre long bratwursts and just generally having the greatest fun of our lives.

Beer Mug Hats

Prosit with our Hats!

Metre long Bratwurst (it was so long it had to be rolled up)

Fish Sandwiches (Because Germany is pretty much landlocked, you don't really get fish around here. So by this time, we were all crazy desperate for fish so pretty much EVERYONE got ONE fish sandwich)

Can you see the beer mug we stole in the picture?

Marksman Fu

OktoBOOBIES!!!

Oktoberfest was truly one of the greatest experience of all time and the people who were there with me only made the experience that much more memorable. Joseph, Ambrose, Jason, Ujin, Adel, Huiyi and most importantly Beauti-Wu Jiahui, thanks for most awesome time ever.

If you've gotten to this part of the post, it truly means that you are an ardent supporter of my blog. Because only then would you read through so much crap. I don't normally thank people for reading my blog because I think it's their good fortune to do so. But just this once, thanks for reading people. <3>

Things on my mind:
The most freaking fun I've ever had
Freaking loving everyone who was there with me
Oktoboobies
Gerger

To the only person who will read up to this point

Bah-Bah-Bah-BAH KUT TEH!

2008-09-25T22:53:00.005+08:00

I had BAH KUT TEH for lunch today! LOOK LOOK! Since coming to Germany we've bought a few pieces of cooking utensils like a spatula, ladle and today, a wicked knife. The knives here at the hostel are so blunt that I once palmed the knife on the "sharp" end by accident, and even after putting quite a bit of pressure before I noticed my error, I did not even break my skin.

I bet most of you assumed that the moment I arrived in Germany, my diet would consist of solely potatoes, pasta and sausages. Well you're wrong! Because I had the foresight to apply for exchange with Iron Chef WU JIAHUI!! Round of applause ladies and gentlemen.

Jiahui has been cooking for us all through out the exchange and I just want to really thank her a lot for keeping me fed and healthy. And even though sometimes some of the dishes don't work out exactly as planned...

... they generally turn out to be really delicious!

But of course it's not as if I don't do any cooking myself! Check this out! Doesn't it look sumptuous?

Unfortunately the taste is altogether another story. It would seem that actually having pork ribs as well as corn starch turns out to be really important ingredients inside Coffee Ribs. Sigh!

Dear Jiass, you have my most sincerest and heartfelt thanks for all the cooking that you have done and because of that you deserve a tribute post on my blog. Hats off to the chef. I'll be sure to buy you more ice cream okay?

Wine Festival in Bad DurkHeim! (20th-21st Sept)

2008-09-25T06:46:00.008+08:00

In between the Wine Festival and Rhine Valley, I actually went to Stuttgart and visited the Porsche and Mercedes Benz Museum but its really just lots of pictures of cars. So here's one of me getting into my Mini-Porsche...

... and I'll talk about the super awesome wine festival.

Do you still remember how awesome Pasaar Malams used to be when we were younger? When they had carnival rides and lots of game booths? The wine festival was exactly like the good'Ol'Night Markets of yesteryear... and more. The moment we arrive we were greeted with an air of energy, fun and excitement and the screams of people on the rides could be heard long before we could even see the wine festival. I whipped out my camera to take a beautiful shot of the whole market... but realised I left my camera battery back in Mannheim. Sigh..... It was a good thing that my trusty sidekick, you know her by now, Wu Jiahui had her camera!! Special thanks to Jiahui for taking all these wonderful photos! You are my Superwoman.

Presenting the Wine Festival at Bad Durkheim!!

The festival grounds was just filled with people and we were greeted with the sight of a scary ass ride. Know now that I don't actually like taking rides like these. The Viking scares the holy crap out of me. But at first the ride looked pretty okay.

Then we realised we caught the end of the ride and in the next few moments we beheld the ride in all its horrific glory as it started up again and rose to its full height.

Rising up to something like 10 storeys high, the ride carved a 270 degree vertical arc while spinning its passengers in irregular patterns. Kipp Kroon called to us.

However we decided that we need some alcohol in our system before we had the cajones to take the ride. And so we went to get some food and drink first. 1/2 metre bratwursts, flammkuchen and various meats off the pit were offered to us. I only wish I had a bigger appetite (as well as a bigger wallet) so I could try everything.

We finally got into the tents for some pre-oktoberfest training and sat down with a wine each. Soon after we were flushed red with courage and so we headed to the ride.

On the way I saw like these huge heart-shaped cookies! I wish I could have bought one for Gerger.

Here's us just before going up the ride. As we waited in the queue to get onto the ride, everytime the ride launched its passengers into the sky, I felt my wine-fueled courage slowly get sapped by the war of attrition between alcohol and terror. By the time it was my turn I was wishing I had never left Singapore. Actually I was kinda wishing my mother never met my father.

I didn't take pictures during the ride though. LOL duh. In fact the ride wasn't all that scary though the one part where we were at the top and I looked down and saw the ground so far away, that was pretty surreal. But at the end of the ride, I think we weren't feeling too well. Maybe not that good an idea to ride rides on a full stomach. Proud of ourselves we called it a day and left Bad Durkheim and headed back.

Things on my mind:
Bah Kut Teh
Missing KTV
Boobies
Gerger

The Romantic Rhine (18th Sept)

2008-09-19T05:27:00.009+08:00

Before I left for Europe, Gal Pal Huiyi bought me a "Rick Steve's Best of Europe 2008" guide book and it been of indispensable help to me ever since. It's helped me plan itineraries and prioritize where in Europe I want to go to. Last Thursday, I followed its recommendations to visit the Rhine Valley. Of course saying Rhine Valley is like saying Black Forest. Its really huge and there are many places there to visit. So unlike the people who told me to visit the Black Forest (Thanks again guys. Rrrrrreally helpful), I'll be specific and tell you that St Goars and Bacharach were the places we visited and it was beautiful.

We arrived at St Goar's finally after some more train trouble (I've been getting into a lot of those in Germany). First we missed the train, which was totally my fault which sucks. I hate it when things are my fault. Then finally we got on the train and the train was delayed. And so when we had to change trains, we had to run for it! So finally when we were aboard the train, I figured I'd want to take a picture of that moment so I'd be able to remember it. But instead, when I took my camera out, my spare battery flew out and fell into a crevice in a seat and I just simply couldn't find it.

It took me a good 20mins of crawling and digging on the train floor before I found the thing and could take this picture.

Nonetheless, we successfully arrived in St Goars where we climbed up to an old castle ruin and spent some time exploring it. In fact, it wasn't so much a castle as it was a fort but that did not detract from its appeal. It was a beautiful place with a great view of the town which housed it.

Halfway through our self-guided tour around the Burg Rheinfels, I ran into an American who was carrying the same guidebook I was holding! Introducing Bryan from Seattle!

After a lunch, we got out of St Goars to head to Bacharach and to do that, we took an hour long ferryboat ride upstream. I must say now that the ferryboat ride was some of the most fun I've ever had in Germany and will most definitely remain as one of the most memorable experiences of my exchange. The whole ride was amazingly scenic and I even ran into Bryan again and we chatted while I snapped pictures like a shutterbug supercharged with steroids and adrenaline.

Jiahui was totally unable to keep her hair in place.

You can't tell but this Castle (yes its a castle) sat on the middle of the river. Apparently back in the old days, they'd raise chains to collect tolls.

And finally we arrived in Bacharach.

Bacharach was a beautiful little town and too had its own castle which has since been converted into a student hostel. For the heck of it we decided to go up to the castle to have a look see. Turns out the hostel is from the same chain of hostel that made us death climb back in Triberg.

After climb up past lots of these, we finally arrived at a nice clearing that gave us a nice shot of Bacharach and the river.

After a little bit more climbing...

... we were finally at the hostel/castle. Can anyone tell me if they've EVER seen such a beautiful student hostel.

We each had a cup of hot Schokolade to nullify the effects of having actually worked our body during the climb up. The aim was always to put on weight and we never lost sight of that.

Jiahui hates this photo cuz her hair was totally brutalized by the wind.

The day was finally over but not before we were both stunned by the seeing for the first time in Germany, and absolutely unmanned train station which simply had a ticket machine. But in the end we were able to get our ticket.

But at when we were changing trains at Mainz, we went to buy a McDonald's wrap and we ALMOST missed the train again because the guy who was preparing our wrap was undergoing training! And with that wrap, we wrapped up our day!

(WAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can't believe I wrote that)

Things on my mind:

Oktoberfest

Soooo many backlogged post

Boobies

Gerger

The Best Night You'll Never Remember (16th Sept)

2008-09-19T04:09:00.007+08:00

You would think I'd be drinking my wits off the moment I arrived in Germany since beer is so cheap here but that really hasn't been the case. Seeking to rectify the situation we bought tickets to the VISUM Pubcrawl. Advertised at the best night I'll never remember. 5 Pubs, 5 Beers 5 Shots a Doner and a T-shirt at 15 Dollars (Euros obviously) was a great deal by any standards anyways.

So Tuesday night arrived and we queued up to get out Pub Crawl Fun Pack. Because the crowd was so huge, they had to split us up into several groups and how they did that was by smearing face paint on you. I guess I have to congratulate them for having the foresight to split Jiahui and I up. Cause truly, otherwise there would have been too much sexiness for any single group to contain. And so I was sent to the super awesome red group and Jiahui was pitifully assigned to the castaway group of yellow.

The free T-shirt wasn't really all that awesome but I made it look freaking sexy.

And so we took a "Before" picture just to see how bad we'll end up and the Pub Crawl began.

Actually this is anti-climatically the end of the post. I don't remember what happened after that.

Things on my mind:
What happened?
How did I get home?
Were there boobies?

Fake. As if I was so lousy. All I can say was that I've never gotten drunk before because in the known Universe, there doesn't exist a drink that can make me lose coherency.

Here's Cheryl, Lit Major from NUS

Zach, coolest guy from Taiwan. Loves Wu Bai.

Fiona and Wayne. SMU's 7th hottest couple. The first 6 are my Gfs.

You would think that I'd trying to show you the people I remember from that night but actually I already knew all these people from before. I did meet a few people but I dun have their pictures. Towards the end we ran into Jiahui again and I was glad to see she was alright and not drunk and passed out in an Angmoh's arms. Took a few "After" shots and clearly you can tell that 5 beers and 5 shots had absolutely no effect. Best Night I'll Never Remember my arse.

At the end of it all, we went to get our Doner. We were all freaking hungry because all of us assumed we'd get the doner BEFORE the pubcrawl not after. So really, we were all drinking on an empty stomach. Nonetheless, it was a really fun night. One I won't soon forget.

Things on my mind:
OktoberFEST
Non-stop traveling
Boobies
Gerger

Triberg and Titisee (12th-13th Sept)

2008-09-14T07:16:00.012+08:00

Everybody that’s been to Black Forest before says, “You have to visit Black Forest and try the Black Forest cake.” Nobody ever said where in Black Forest I was supposed to go. In fact everyone spoke of Black Forest as if it was THE destination when in fact the Schwarzwald is like 145km long and 40km wide with a large number of small to medium towns inside. Thanks for the informative travel advice guys! Helped a lot.

And so with the lack of helpful advice from friends, Jiahui and I sought to narrow down our choices as to where in Black Forest to head out to for the weekend. Baden-Baden was highly rated and was visited by some pretty swanky clientele. Emperors and shit. Definitely something that is befitting of my social status. However I think the nude dress code and co-ed spas were something that I couldn’t convince Jiahui to go for.

We finally decided on Triberg and Titisee. Yes. Titisee. We all love to see Titisee. Say it 10 times really quickly, it’s fun.

And so with my backpack looking freaking wicked we set off for Triberg on an early Friday morning. Arriving in Triberg 3 hours later we found the town blanketed in a densely packed drizzle – and boy was it cold – 12 degrees. After a quick but satisfying lunch, we headed up to the Hostel to deposit our backpacks…

… Only to find out that the Hostel was situated up on the slope of death. Here’s a big fat middle finger to the Lonely Planet guidebook that describes the death climb up to the Hostel as a 1200m uphill walk. Since arriving in Europe, I’ve climbed a lot. While Barcelona and Granada were tiring… this was just pure torture. The climb started out pretty easy but with every bend, the incline of the slope became steeper and steeper. By the time we were at the halfway mark on a street called Mozartstrasse, I was panting from the exertion, hot and sweaty inside my clothing but cold and miserable everywhere else because of the cold wet winds. I think we both had half a mind to just give up. But I convinced myself to push on because I knew for a fact that there were dancing fairies and elves roasting spits of pig and lamb for me at the Hostel. But when I reached the hostel, there were no fairies or elves. Just a sign that said check-in starts at 5pm. Now that was FUCKED up. I generally restrain myself from cursing on my blog but this deserves it.

The first place we visited from there were the Triberger Wasserfalls which were Germany’s tallest waterfall. We climbed all the way to the top (as if we haven’t climbed enough already) and were rewarded with some pretty nice views. The whole area was very picturesque and looked as if something plucked right out of a jigsaw puzzle. The best part was that I got up close and personal with the squirrels of Black Forest and even fed them peanuts out of my hand!

Next we went to the site of the World’s Largest Cuckoo Clock and were conned once again.As you can see from the picture, this was a really nice house and there were signs telling us, WELCOME! Please come in! Little did we know, the moment we stepped into the house, we had to pay 1.20EU because the inside of the house WAS also the inside of the World’s Largest Cuckoo clock. And you really couldn’t NOT pay. Because you’ve seen everything in the split second you peek into the place. And so we paid and we went outside to wait for the clock to hit 4:30pm so we could see the cuckoo clock in action. However when the time came, the lighting was so bad none of us could take a picture of the damn bird coming out. Sigh.

With nothing left to do in Triberg we headed back to the Hostel where we did the climb of death all over again. In all honesty, while the location was sadistic, the Hostel was actually a really nice place and they served very nice breakfast. The best hostel breakfast I’ve ever had in fact.

And so the next morning came and we headed out to Titisee. Or so we thought. Instead because we failed to understand the instructions on the ticket or rather, the lack of instructions on the ticket, we didn’t change trains when we were supposed to and ended up at Lake Constance which was at the border of Switzerland. We eventually made our way to Titisee but we lost 3 hours in the process.

But when we did get there, you can tell that Titisee is a beautiful place. It’s just such a small relaxed town with the main street wrapping around the edge of the lake. Across the lake you can see the rolling hills upon which the Black Forest sits and you can even take a boat out to the middle of the lake. Of course we got none of this because the rain was even heavier than the day before. Nonetheless the view was wonderful and the mist covering the Black Forest gave it its own mystical charm.

After a bit of souvenir shopping we called it a day and went back to Mannheim. All in all a wonderful weekend.

Things on my mind:
TittiesC
Backdated Blog Posts
Currywurst
Boobies
Gerger

Hello Germany!

2008-09-08T06:23:00.005+08:00

Usually, nothing much really happens in between my posts. I mean, even though I update my blog like once every 2 months nothing much happens anyway. I’m still happily attached (sorry girls). I’m still sexy. The only thing that changes, are the idiots that I meet in my different groups and even that’s a constant. Not this time though. This time I have sooooo much to blog about I don’t even know where to start. Expect my blog to be updated much more frequently over the next few months because I’m just completely backlogged with stuff to blog about.

I guess I’ll begin with a quick run down of everything that’s transpired thus far and then I’ll probably talk a little more about each event in separate posts. Well at least the stuff that’s more worthy of your time. But since missing cookies previously warrant an EPIC post (as seen here), you can expect pretty much everything to be covered.

1. My Birthday. For all of you that forgot. Shame on you.

2. I settled into Mannheim, my home for the next few months.

3. I totally owned Spain.

4. And finally, I’m back here in Mannheim with classes starting next week

And so where better to begin than my Birthday – The Longest Day

On my 24^th Birthday, Singapore mourned because it would be deprived of my Mojo for 4 months. Upon hearing of my exchange plans, Singapore cuts GDP forecast to 4-5%.

Of course the Government hid the real reason but the impact of my departure is evident and I apologise to all who will feel the repercussions of my decision.

So the time came for me to leave Singapore and my flight was scheduled at 740am. Merciful as I am, I ordered my groveling minions not to send me off as that would mean that they would have had to be at the airport at 540am, an ungodly time by anyone’s standards. My traveling partner and compatriot, Hey Gorgeous SMU winner, Wu Jiahui, showed no such compassion. Arriving at the airport with a full entourage made up of the remnants of her dwindling fan-base (most of which had defected to swear allegiance to Queen of Queens, Elle Yeow), she looked very much the Queen, albeit of a nation on the brink of collapse. See what the Queen of a dying nation looks like here.

After a few farewell shots, I embarked on the longest day of my life. On my 24^th birthday, the sun refused to set. Leaving Singapore at 740am, we arrived in Frankfurt Singapore time, 1am the next day. And yet… the sun was still up. In fact the sun was up all the way until Singapore time 330am (Germany 9pm). I can only think of one logical explanation for what happened. The sun was drawn to my Mojo and followed me to see where I was going.

Nothing particularly blog worthy really happened during the trip however. Well, nothing besides the celestial displacement of the sun. Mostly I just napped, stoned, ate and watched a few movies. One thing for sure was that Thai Airlines’ in-flight entertainment was pretty bad. I had heard that we’d get a private screen but it was just a shared screen in the front and it was poorly lit so half the time you couldn’t see what was going on. They showed Ironman though so that was great. And there was this gay looking male flight attendant which really is the Thai Airlines equivalent of our Singapore girl. So it was really cool seeing a Thai national icon. We were pretty lost when we arrived in Mannheim but that was to be expected. However the most epic thing that happened was when we stopped over at Thailand for 3 hours. During the wait, we decided to play cards and I got round to teach Jiahui how to play Daidee. After playing a while, she was struggling pretty badly even though she picked up the basics fairly quickly. Her main problem was she didn’t know what cards she had and as a result she either took too long to put cards down or she might have a full house but didn’t know it. It finally dawned upon me why she was having so much trouble. Observe!

Heehee… we all had a pretty damn good laugh at that. Thanks Jiahui! You made the wait totally enjoyable!

Things on my Mind:
What to blog about next
What to cook next
Where to visit next
How to make Jiahui fat
International Multi Cultural Boobies
Gerger

Grant me Sight beyond Sight

2008-07-16T13:08:00.003+08:00

As most of you know by now, I'm heading to Germany in little more than a month and I'm in the midst of preparations for the exchange. One of the things on my To Do List is to acquire a new mobile mojo fusion reactor.

By bringing two mojo fusion reactors to Europe, I circumvent a dire situation where I'd be left Mojo-less in a foreign land should one break. I understand that most of you can't see mojo with your naked eye so I've taken the liberty of filtering the picture through a mojo sensor overlay. Before today, I'm sure none of you had any idea that I was crackling with so much sexi-mojo energy.

Because the intensity of my sexiness has been increasing over the years, the cost of fitting a new mojo fusion reactor is likewise increasing. Two years ago I was only emitting 400-450 degrees of sexiness. But last year it increased to 600-700 degrees and the cost of my reactor also increased significantly. Faced with increasing costs, my mother suggested that I think about going for Lasik surgery since it'll be cheaper in the long run. Plus its so much more convenient than, well... being myopic.

And so I started to look at some of the Lasik clinics I can go to and I came across these two. Singapore Lasik,

and Shinagawa.

Shinagawa = Win. Looks like I know which clinic I'll be visiting.

I'll be giving serious thought as to whether or not I'll really go for Lasik but if I do it'll be just before I find a job. I guess my biggest reservation is what will happen after I stop needing spectacles. I'll be like a superhero without my costume. But perhaps it's time to consider giving other men a chance. My intense mojo has over the years caused most of my friends to remain single because they simply don't stand a chance against my magnetic appeal in getting the attention of a gal.

I'm sorry my friends.

Things on my mind:
Auf Wiedersehen!
Oktoberfest!
Packing
Boobies

Germany!

2008-06-05T23:35:00.003+08:00

As most of you should know by now, I'm going to Germany on Exchange~ And my exchange buddy is none other than SMU Hey Gorgeous winner... WU JIA HUI!! Incidentally Jiahui is one of the brightest girls I've worked with. Beauty and brains. Or so the world thinks... Over the course of my exchange I shall devote my time to uncovering all her dirty secrets and when I come back from Germany, I shall write the exposè of the century! Hur hur hur!!

Anyways, I'll be flying off on the 18th of August... my birthday. (hint hint) The flight is scheduled to take off in the morning and will make a stop over in Thailand before landing in Germany in the evening. Meaning... for the first time in my life I'll be experiencing my Birthday in 3 countries! The reason I say experiencing as opposed to celebrating is because when I broached the topic with Jiahui... this was what she had to say...

Things on my mind:
Fuji f100fd
Cordelia Low
SURPRISE BUTTSECKZ
Germany
Boobs

Who Wants Sexpiness!

2008-05-17T22:43:00.002+08:00

In a stunning turn of events, the format of the most anticipated Reality TV Series has changed to become one of hot steamy raunchy sex! Renamed "Who Wants Sexpiness!" or "谁要性符", the contestants of the show will now be allowed to fulfill their inner most desires!

Who Wants Happiness!

2008-05-11T16:24:00.004+08:00

Introducing the Biggest reality TV series to hit the shores of Singapore - Who Wants Happiness! 谁要姓符（幸福)!

Vincent Fu, 24, a talented man with a magnetic charm and raw sexual appeal is looking for his ultimate soul mate and the search begins when the series premiers on Channel 5. The SMU heartthrob has often commented, "When you're as sexy as I am, its hard to really find someone right. Mainly because there's just so many women around me all the time and that makes it difficult to really get to know any one girl better. Also whenever I'm alone with a girl, they're instantly all over me. Sometimes all I want to do is just talk. The worst part of it all, is that I really don't know if some of these girls are just into my looks."

When asked if he really thinks that he'll be able to find the love of his life on the show, Vincent has this to say, "I'm really hopeful about my chances. The girls really impressed me during the initial screening process. And that's to say a lot given the fact that the screening process had me interviewing more than 6,000 girls! Moreover, I guess with only 16 girls, its a lot less than the number of girls that are usually around me during a regular day."

Will one of these 16 stunning bachelorettes be able to find happiness? Tune in every Weds and Thurs 830pm on Channel 5, and find out!

Announcement: I am still ALIVE

2008-03-03T16:48:00.003+08:00

I was MSN-ning with Mitz when she gave me an idea for my next blog post. This post is NOT about that idea. Its a post about the circumstances from which my idea was born.

Bac: Your uselessness is Epic says (4:43 PM):
hey! maybe I should blog about it

juzmitz says (4:44 PM):
wait... u mean, u blog??

Bac: Your uselessness is Epic says (4:44 PM):
LOL

Bac: Your uselessness is Epic says (4:44 PM):
dun be mean!

Bac: Your uselessness is Epic says (4:45 PM):
i know i dun update often

Bac: Your uselessness is Epic says (4:45 PM):
but its no reason to be mean

juzmitz says (4:45 PM):
ehhhh its so past using the word "update" liao

juzmitz says (4:45 PM):
u're not even eligible to call ur post an update

juzmitz says (4:45 PM):
how abt an announcement ur still alive

juzmitz says (4:45 PM):
maybe that

Sigh, people just don't understand that brilliance takes time. Plus, I strongly believe in the concept of scarcity. The people's demand for my posts are as high as they are because it is a scarce commodity. Like Diamonds. Yes. That's it. My posts are like Diamonds. Of course like diamonds, the scarcity is a false scarcity created by the people who control the resources. I am... De Beers. A Conspermification-Post is Forever.

Also there's the psychological phenomenon called the Justification of Effort. Psychologically speaking, the more a person works for something, the more they'll like it when they get it. The reason why you (my legion of faithful readers) love and treasure my posts so much is because I make you work for them.

Sigh, of course you and I know that these are just thin excuses for my infrequent updates. I will now illustrate to you the real reason by way of a short true story about one of the greatest guys to have ever walked the face of this Earth.

One my 18th Birthday, my Girlfriend gave me a Super-Present-Compilation-Funpack consisting of 18 PRESENTS. (Sweet I know) One of them was a Cactus. You must be thinking, HOW UNROMANTIC. Her excuse was that she was afraid I'd not be able to keep the plant alive. As if. I, a man with unparallelled tender loving care and attentiveness, unable to keep a Plant alive. With my warmth and love, I'd be able to bloom beautiful flowers from barren soil.

What became of the Cactus? It turned brown and kinda disintegrated from a lack of water.

Thank God blogs don't need watering.

Things on my mind:
Caderas LATINAS!
Useless China Exchange Students
Midterms and Projects
Boobies

Super Team MR! GO!!

2007-12-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

Never before has our intrepid Hero been faced with such dire circumstances as he embarks upon his most punishing and grueling semester ever. This semester, Monologue will be pushed to his limits as he races against time to complete 4 projects simultaneously in order to save the life of a close friend - “GPA” who is being held hostage by the Super Villain Organization known only as SMU. With his army of “Professors”, the leader of the organization, “The Hunter”, has but one sadistic agenda, to put our Hero through a series of impossible tasks called “projects”. Caught in his psychotic game, Monologue performs these seemingly meaningless projects, in fear that the Hunter will once again put GPA through horrible torture if he does not. In a final mockery of our Hero, SMU records the extent of GPA’s torture and sends the vile torture log to Monologue in something they called... ‘My Results.’

Faced with hopeless odds, Monologue must band together with the most formidable of allies to form a Super Hero Team the likes of which the world has never seen. The MR Four!!!

Origins

Monologue

Secret Identity: Vincent

Origin: One day, mild mannered Vincent purchases a seemingly normal pair of red spectacles. Little did he know that the spectacles contained the ruby of Xchatlehhal, and upon donning the frame, the ruby unlocked the latent powers hidden inside him. Most visibly, he gained Super Sexiness and he became irresistible to all women. He also obtained the touch of flare which while unable to deal bodily harm to his foes, could be used to fluff up presentations that could be used to cripple them in a stunning psychic attack of hopelessness and helplessness. Lastly, he gained the ability to sustain a monologue indefinitely and thus was the name he chose to call himself.

Powers: Super Sexy, Touch of Flare, Monologue

Professor A++++

Secret Identity: Andy

Origin: As a baby, Andy fell into a huge bowl of alphabet soup and nearly drowned to death. However, unbeknownst to the hapless child, the soup was produced in China and thus contained many chemicals that were not normally found in soups such as industrial waste, radioactive particles etc. As Andy struggled to keep afloat, he swallowed large amounts of the soup and along with it, the hodgepodge of chemicals which caused Andy’s brain to mutate. By the time Andy was saved, he found that he had gained intelligence far superior to that of regular geniuses. He also gained psychic abilities that allowed him to sense what exactly the Professors liked to see in Projects. When he looked back into the soup that he had just been saved from, he realized that he had not only swallowed most of the soup but had also eaten all but two letters of the alphabet. These letters were “A” and “X”. Though amazingly intelligent, his powers were still undeveloped and thus he thought the X’s floating in the water were +’s which was why he called himself Professor A++++. Though he has since realized his mistake, he still retains his name because Professor AXXXX doesn’t make sense.

Powers: Super Intelligence, Psychic Mind Reading

BenchPress

Secret Identity: Joshua

Origin: As Joshua walked down the street one day, a radioactive steel bar fell from the sky and landed on his head. The steel bar smashed Joshua’s head in and he was brought to a hospital in critical condition. That night, Joshua was abducted by the Government who wanted to see if the radioactive steel bars would alter him in any way. By the time he was transported to the secret Government laboratories, they realized that he had begun to develop steel arms. In brilliant move to save his life, the scientists removed Joshua’s brain, cut it into two halves and replaced his two biceps with the brains instead. Soon after the operation was successfully completed, Joshua’s arms completed its transformation and became steel arms. Housed inside his steel arms where his biceps used to be, Joshua’s brain was now forever safe. Upon awaking, Joshua also realized that he had gained super strength and could bench press the planet and thus he named himself - BenchPress. (Though the truth of the matter was that he was only doing pushups and he just thought that he was moving the planet every time he straightened his arms.)

Powers: Super Strength, Indestructible Arms

SchMiling Angel

Secret Identity: Sarah

Origin: Sarah was walking down the street one day when suddenly the person beside her was hit by a radioactive steel bar that fell from the sky. In her shock she jumped to the side and to her horror she landed on two Peregrine Falcons, the fastest birds on the planet at 250kmph, killing them both instantly. As their poor animal souls left their body, the radioactive steel bar which bounced off the man grazed her feet mutating them into soul chambers and the souls of the Peregrine Falcons were forever trapped inside her feet. Her ankles sprout wings and she became fast – faster than any human being on the planet. Racked with guilt at killing two birds, she vowed to use her new found powers for only good. Her first act of good was to try and save the life of the man who was hit by the steel bar. Alas, she could not drag the man to the hospital because of her small frame, however, she was able to run to the hospital really really quickly and tell them of the accident. From that day forth, she would always rush to rescue people from their dire situations, often in just the nick of time, and along with her ever present smile, the people began calling her the Smiling Angel. However, due to Sarah’s inability to spell properly (possibly as a result of the trapped bird souls), she called herself the SchMiling Angel instead.

Powers: Super Speed, Megawatt Smile

Conclusion

Though powerful alone, together they were unstoppable. The fearsome foursome were able to entirely subdue their MR module and GPA was saved from SMU... at least for the semester. In their adventures, the group built an unbreakable bond and they decided to stick together henceforth to deal unstoppable ownage to all the Professors of SMU and to finally rescue GPA from their tyrannical grasp once and for all.

Teaser

SchMiling Angel is blackmailed and forced to group up with the Evil Samuel. Evil Samuel who mocked everyone else's presentation during presentation week. SchMiling Angel thus pleads with everyone to accept Evil Samuel into their group. Will the enemy-turned-groupmate tear the group apart from the inside? Is Samuel hatching a plot to kill GPA? Will the Sexciting MR Four still be Sexciting now that there are Five??! Stay tuned!!

This is pretty much a tribute post to my MR group. Andy, Joshua and Sarah, you guys rocked and I love that we're working together again next semester. I've never worked with such a capable group in my life. Not trying to discount all my other group members that I've worked with but this group was just totally owning. <3>

Things on my mind:
Rest and Relaxation
Carefree Lifestyle
Career Best
Queen of Queens Winner ELLE!!!
Boobs

Competitive Environmentalism

2007-10-23T14:57:00.000+08:00

There was a running campaign in school that debunked the wasteful use of plastic bags. But they put up so many posters (like at every pillar) that I couldn't help but to take a jab at them. So I put up that plastic bag.

The Epic Post

2007-10-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

I try to blog at least once a month. Honest. But sometimes there's really nothing to blog about then what happens then? Do I make some mundane post? Write about what I did today or maybe just slap on some lyrics of a sappy song and make that a post? No. I have too much respect for my blog and my legion of readers to do that. Then again sometimes, you just wait too long for something significant to happen. Something truly blog worthy. Then your expectations get higher... and higher with each day that passes without a post. Suddenly, nothing seems important or spectacular enough to break that post drought because of the fear; the fear that this topic that you've chosen to immortalize in the form of a blogpost has fallen short of the collective anticipation of your audience. And the fear is crippling. As the expectations escalate you await for something truly EPIC.

After two months, the search is over. BEHOLD the EPIC post!!!

The story cannot be told without first talking about my Monday class. This semester marks the commencement of the academic progression of my degree Majors in Marketing and Operations Management (OM). OM is evidently not too popular in SMU and only one class of each is offered for each of the two pre-requisite modules that all OM majors must take. "Conveniently", both these classes are scheduled on Monday thus automatically making the lousiest day of the week simultaneously the longest.

So the first day I stepped into class I saw this loser standing there with a cap and sunglasses on. And we all know how those are vital life-support equipment indoors away from the sun. But more than that, he was wearing a tight fitting black singlet and an equally snug pair of jeans and I was like, weirdo. Minutes later I realised that that person was actually my Professor for SP, BJ Park. Beyond his dress sense, Park is different to say the least. For one on the very first day he articulated his business philosophy: There is no right or wrong in business, only success or failure. Wtf? I know that that's true but is that really what you should be teaching students?

But the other interesting thing about him is he encourages you to be out rightly hostile towards others in the class by making each weeks presentation a competition that has a winner who will get a better a grade and a loser who will become, well losers. During one of the week's presentation, I got into an argument with one of the other students about a point in contention. He was obviously mistaken and his argument flawed as is normally the case for all people who contest my opinions - I am as infallible as I am sexy. Finally at the end of the argument, he ended off my d`uh-ing me. WTF? He DUH-ed ME!
Me?!??!
MOI?!!?

NO ONE DUHS ME. NO ONE. And the worst thing of all is that he's a f*cking sissy. At the end of the lesson he came to apologise to me because he knew that he had stirred a giant. Oh how he trembled and how he cowered before me as he extended his hand in apology. But what choice did he have? The alternative was to face my unending wrath for the rest of the semester. I accepted the apology or so that was what I led him to believe. For I want him to let his guard down and so that one day I may catch him unawares and with his pants down. And when he tries to flee it will be pathetic because his pants will be bunched up around his ankle and he will not be able to run away quickly enough!! And when he trips, oh he will surely trip! I WILL BE THERE LAUGHING!! LAUGHING as I do terrible and unspeakable things to him and he will RUE the day that he duh-ed VINCENT FU! I want him to think that I've forgiven him for the knife that is the most dangerous... is the one that is unseen.

Divine providence has put his group against mine in the coming presentation. Where our groups will square off and only one will emerge victorious. They don't stand a chance of surviving this encounter. Already my group has begun preparation for operation: obliterate and the f*cking sissy will regret the day that his father set his eyes upon his mother.

On with the story.

And so half the semester has gone by and last week saw me soul-bound to the library. As I was in school studying for my mid-terms, my friends and I dropped by at the school's Watsons to buy some study food. Since there was an offer going on where if we bought 10 items that were worth $1.95 each we'd get the 11th item free, Joshua, JX and me decided to go wild. We agreed that we would simply agree on an 11th item and share that amongst ourselves. To that end we selected a box of delicious looking cookies.

Now let me draw your attention to the packaging. It says here. Servings per container: 9. This was of course a delightful number being that it was divisible by the number of people in the group: 3. The plan, elegant in its simplicity, was to divide the number of servings by the number of people. Simple arithmetic computed that each of us would be entitled to 3 cookies thus exponentially increasing our mental capacity for facts to increase by a factor of 3. As I drew the cookies from its packaging I observed something peculiar, something out of the ordinary. The distribution of the cookies.... were not uniform.

At this point of time I feel that I must address a concern that no doubt has manifested in many of your minds. What on Earth does the cookies have to do with the first part of the story about the duh-ing sissy? The answer is: Nothing. I just decided that I needed to write about the duh-ing sissy. Just look at it as if it was the trailers before the feature presentation: the EPIC post.

By now you would have seen what I've seen. The missing cookie. Frozen in confusion I looked at Joshua and asked him, "What do we do? There is a cookie missing." Here we were faced with a conundrum. Going back to Watsons to ask for a change of cookies seemed excessive for something so frivolous. But at the same time, our plan was anything but frivolous. It was crucial that each member of our coterie received their fair allotment of cookies. The cookies were imperative to our bond as a group of friends. We, who were all equals; how could any of us be judge and juror and decide who gets short changed of a cookie? In the end, it seemed we would have no choice. I went back downstairs FOUR storeys to ask for an exchange.

Would it be that the story ended there things would have been resolved. But we lived in a complicated time. ALAS! Upon opening the new package of cookies, there were also only 8 inside! But why?!? The packaging clearly states that there are 9 servings per container! Unless of course each cookie represented 1.11111111111(reiterate into infinity) servings? But that didn't make any sense! Why would Bergen Cookies seek to complicate things by making the number of servings indivisible by the number of cookies?

In the end we were ultimately faced with the same problem that we had tried to hopelessly to avoid. Who would get the cookies? Even if we tried to share the last two cookies it would be impossible! Each cookie weighed 22g and together they weighed 44g. I cannot divide 44 by 3!! ARGH! In the end Joshua and me had no choice but to simply eat up all the cookies because they tasted so good and JX was in the toilet.

Ultimately this post wasn't EPIC in the way many of you might have thought. At the end of the day the topic was still pretty much unspectacular. However it was EPIC because of the bold use of CAPS and Accentuation as well as the inclusion of pictures. Pictures are a rare treat on my blog because.. like the reason why I don't blog more often, I am mind-numbingly lazy.

Things on my mind:
Operation: Obliterate
Team Fortress 2
The Cake is a lie
Boobies (Esp. the ones from CB class)

Happy Birthday to Meeeee

2007-08-15T19:00:00.000+08:00

Actually today is Mr Kahkheng's Bir-day. So I shall wish him a Happy Bir-Day first. Happy Bir-Day Mr Kahkheng!

Now that we've gotten the pesky bir-day greeting of the unimportant people over and done with, let us focus on the main event: the stunning milestone of human history - My Birthday. (Note how since I'm more important, my Birthday is actually spelt properly as opposed to unimportant Bir-days.)

18 August 1941 - Adolf Hitler orders a temporary halt to Nazi Germany's systematic euthanasia of mentally ill and handicapped people.

This in turn led to the birth of myself on the same day in 1984. Likewise there are two people around me who also share this day of birth - though the chain of events leading to their overshadowed entry into this world remains to be a subject of little import. However for posterities sake I shall assign them insignificant generic names which are in no way indicative of their physical appearance or attitudal characteristic. They are Hairy Yang and Attitude Tay. At this point I would like to wish these two gentlemen a happy bir-day.

Unfortunately this year I will not be celebrating in Singapore during my Birthday. Instead I will be heading to Genting. While my girlfriend will tell you that it is to celebrate my glorious arrival upon this green Earth away from the tedium that is Singapore. The truth is I'm escaping from the cruel reality of life and the bitter truth of my frail friendships. You see, if I stay in Singapore, I will be forced to come to terms with how no one will remember my birthday.

I remember back in Secondary School - more innocent times for a far more innocent boy. My innocence was cruelly snatched away from me like an owl snatching up caramel coated chocolate baked mice in a field of cocoa rice crispies. All I wanted for birthday that year was for her to wish me a happy birthday. That's all I wished for during the weeks leading up to that fateful day. During recess I thought I had my dream come true when I heard a familiar voice shout, "Happy Birthday -" I turned around in joy and excitement... "Hairy Yang!" and I saw the naked truth. They were celebrating Hairy Yang's birthday. They gave him a bra for his birthday present. That bra was supposed to be MINE! I like boobs! I like things around BOOBS! Why wasn't that bra given to me!

Sorry... repressed childhood memories.

Likewise, this year my day of happiness is threatened by one called Attitude Tay who has already pre-empted me and invited all my University friends to his Bir-Day party. And so to avoid terrible and utter defeat in a popularity contest I am doomed to lose, I shall leave this country. Why am I certain of my defeat? Oh, because I don't have a birthday party. Can't very well invite people to a party that is non-existent right? So I lose this round Attitude Tay. But rest assured that you will suffer a terrible humiliation next year when you celebrate your birthday all alone. I hereby invite all of SMU to my birthday party next year on the 18th of August one year in frickin` advance!!! ALL EXCEPT ATTITUDE TAY! MUAHAHAHAH

Serious.

And so I bid you all farewell and I'll see everyone on Monday. Wish me luck at the tables.

Things on my mind:
3 card poker
Diarrhea
Boobs
Freshie Boobs!!

Insecticon Woes

2007-07-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

Wave after wave of terrible agony cripple me and I nearly black out from the pain. With the very last vestiges of my strength, I attempt to type out my story - a tale of unnatural suffering and crushing misery. Weep not for me as you read about my tragic life though know that as I write this, white hot pain sears through my leg from my freshest of wounds.

No more than 60 mins ago, I stepped into the shower to wash off the dirt and grime of a long day. After taking off my red funky spectacles - the source of my power, I begin to shampoo my hair. Amidst the 'repeat' segment of 'lather, rinse, repeat' I felt a stinging pain at my ankle. I looked downwards and was surprised to see a dark line. Thinking that I must have cut myself I put on my glasses... to realise there's a centipede on my leg! WTF????!?!??! Before I had time to think the centipede began its ascent up my leg. Fearing that it wanted to caress my creamy white thighs I kicked it off in a panicked frenzy. Now my ankle pain pain. Sniff*

Thus ends the tale of centipede naval assault. Seriously, I have these weird encounters with insects. Who the hell gets attacked by centipedes in their shower?? Four more tales I have for you. (This is all in reverse chronological order by the way)

Wasp Ambush
This happened when I was in BMT. We were all in the training shed doing our warm-up exercises. The sergeant called out: "Hands on your hips..." Doing what any dutiful recruit would do, I began to put my hands on my hips and was prepared to commence my head rotations exercises. Little did I know that there was a wasp laying in ambush on the surface of my shorts right in between my hand and my hip. The ambush sprang and the wasp drilled itself into my left palm with a savagery that makes grown men turn white of face. Who the hell gets wasp stings from doing warm-ups?

Mosquito Aerial Dogfight
This occured in when I was in Secondary School. I was walking towards the busstop on my way to school. Little did I know someone or something else was on the same path, only it was traveling in the opposite direction. If it was human we would have collided and have moved on with the rest of our day. But because the mosquito was so small... it flew into my nose... just as I was taking a particularly deep breath. My head snapped backwards from the shock and as I exhaled sharply trying to expel the foreign object from my nose, blood started flowing freely. By the time I ran to the nearby MRT toilet, blood stained my entire shirt. Pretty sure the mosquito died. Who the hell gets mosquitoes kamikaze dive bombs into their nose??

Bee Suicide Bombing
This also occured when I was in Secondary School. I had decided to skip school and I gave a stupid excuse as to why I was sick. As I was enjoying my extended sleep, I felt an itch on my throat. Turns out a bee was crawling across my neck. In my state of slumber, I simply slapped down on my neck where it itched. So the bee gave me a good sting on the neck for my efforts. I think this was instant karma for skipping school. Still, who the hell gets bee stings from sleeping??

Ant Ground Invasion
This was when I was really young though I still remember it because it was pretty traumatic. It would have passed for any regular day but it was this day that I would discover there was an ant nest in my Mom's room. The thing is the floor in my old house was tiled with parquet and as you know when they tile the floor they also tile a bit of the foot of the wall. So there was this gap in between the parquet and the wall and ants set up shop there. Once again I was asleep but somewhere along the night, I kicked at the nest. Misconscruing my innocent collision as an act of aggression, the ant mobilized and started attacking me. I eventually felt some pain coming from my left leg and when I opened my eyes.. the whole floor and my entire left leg up till my thigh was covered in ants. I was so fucking freaked. I jumped up and down screaming and ran to get the insect spray and I emptied the can onto my leg and the floor and into the nest. Who the hell gets carpetted by ants while they sleep??

Me. SERIOUSLY. Weird Insect shit happens to me man.

Things on my mind:
Pain
Creepy Crawlies
Boobies
Urban Pulse Boobies

Solving the Mysteries of the Universe!

2007-07-05T14:14:00.000+08:00

Question: Why do I sweat so much?

Answer: To the untrained eye of a commoner, the reason most likely to be assumed is that I am fat (actually I prefer pleasantly chubby). This stereotypical view however, could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that I am a committed individual that puts in 120% effort into everything I do. So even though the task is something simple like walking down the stairs or across the road, I break out into glorious perspiration because of the mental concentration and sheer physical exertion of extreme walking.

Extreme walking, as performed by me, differs from vanilla walking executed by mere commoners in several different ways. First of all, as already mentioned, it requires a constant 120% effort and because most people's maximum potential effort caps out at a meagre 100%, only the most unique individuals can perform extreme walking. This additional effort is means that while you may not neccesarily walk faster, you walk HARDER. Much like the difference between lifting a spoon versus lifting a piano with two fingers. Have you ever tried lifting a piano with two fingers? Now you know how tough extreme walking (as performed by me) really is.

Secondly, apart from placing one foot in front of the other in rapid succession (yes it is as HARD as it sounds), a performer of extreme walking must concurrently perform yet another ardous physical task - the tummy suck-in. This is like holding yourself at half sit-up position... for the whole day.

Because of the sheer physical intensity of the two tasks as well as the tremendous mental strain of coordinating and synchronizing the walking and and tummy suck-in, it is recommended that amateurs do not perform the extreme walk. People have been known to forget to breath during their attempts at the extreme walk (as performed by me).

So the next time you notice that a pleasantly chubby individual looks a tad moist from a short walk, look again, because he may very well be performing... extreme walking.

Remember me?

2007-06-08T05:37:00.000+08:00

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Transformers. More and more of my old cartoons are being made into movies and I just found out that they're making a Thundercats movie as well~!

Thundercats - Ho!

Transformers

Mask

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Used to be called Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles)

Visionaries

Conan

Wheeled Warriors

Captain Planet - The only cartoon whose ending theme was better than the opening

He-man - I have the power. Serious.

Battletech

G.I. Joe (Used to be Action Team)

G.I. Joe the Movie

Ironman

Spiderman

X-men

Exo Squad

Animaniacs

Duck Tales

Tale Spin

Darkwing Duck - Let's get dangerous

Chip and Dale

Gummi Bears

Sailormoon - Because they're sooooo hot

China: My view from the hotel

2007-05-16T16:39:00.000+08:00

When I arrived one Mr. Low told me, “Vincent, you want to know what is doing business in China. It is very simple. Doing business in China is split into 3 parts. 6am – 6pm, 7pm to 12am and finally 1am to 5am. Once you’ve seen all this, you will know what doing business in China is about. Now you are seeing what 6am – 6pm is about. Later tonight you will see the rest.”

What I had seen at that point was regular business.

7pm – 12am
The businessmen went for dinner. And of course what was dinner without alcohol?! They specifically asked for something less potent because I don’t drink much. Less potent = 38% alcohol content.

After that we got inside the car and the businessmen said, “司机！带我到机场！不是飞机那个! (Driver! Bring me to the airport. The one without planes!)” And so they went for some LasapBar action. Here I must say I’ve never seen a KTV room that big before. It was bigger than my house. Serious. It was the freaking presidential suite. - equipped with 4 to 5 sofas, private bar, dance floor, tabletops and a bed. Oh yes, a bed. The management took no effort to hide the purpose of their business.

1am – 5am
All the dirty old men brought girls back to their hotel. Me? I slept alone. Serious!

Since then, my boss has returned to Singapore and I’m working from my hotel. My hotel overlooks an amusement part (so you can imagine how noisy it can get at times). All this exciting things happening just beside me, flashing lights and spinning rides but from my side of the window, there’s only loneliness and boredom.

I guess I should run around in Shenzhen and enjoy the sights and smells? But somehow it seems pointless to me if I have no one to share it with. I’m just not the kind of person who travels alone. Perhaps another reason is that ShenZhen isn’t all that enchanting or romantic. It looks like just Singapore – 15 years ago. If I was in some place like Paris or something I’d leave my hotel room and explore. Maybe I’ll persuade myself tomorrow. There is a place I would like to visit though, Windows of the World. And the main reason is because Jiazi’s been there before.

Leaving on a Jetplane

2007-05-11T15:33:00.000+08:00

Don't know when I'll be back again....

Literally.

Currently doing my internship as a researcher and my boss is flying me down to China to do some groundwork and talk to some clients and investors as part of a investment feasibility study. He says to expect myself to be up there for 2 weeks but not to buy a return ticket because it could be longer than that. Hahaha..

Anyway I reckon that I'll blog a bit more up there if I have access to the internet. A lack of better things to do. Leaving a little something before I go:

The average man can last 50-70 thrusts before he discharges his ballast tanks. So my friend (Keendasamy) suggests that we have ratings for men, kinda like the male equivalent of the female's three dimensions.

Female: What's you T-rating boy?
Male: I'm a 67T.
Female: *mock* Well I'm a 36D 24 35 so I think I'm a bit out of your league. I date around the average of 150Ts.

Porn Actor application forms could be expanded to include:
Average T:
Maximum T:
Career Total T:
T per second:

Yar lar, we were bored. Bon voyage Vin!

Things on my mind:
Wish I knew how to speak Mandarin
Gerger
For once its not Boobs.

Amy Yam – The Intelligent Moron

2007-04-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

Previously on SMUrvivor:
Our intrepid hero Vincent Fu met his evil doppelganger from another planar dimension, Vincent Ha during a research participation exercise. When the two worlds collided our hero barely escaped the encounter against the much fluffier Vincent by escaping into another dimension where style does not matter more than substance and the Singapore Government doesn’t give fallacious arguments to justify giving themselves more money.

This semester I met a girl by the name of Amy Yam. Actually she’s a guy and her name is not Amy Yam. I decided to change the name so as not to offend anyone. Actually you know what? Fuck it. His name is Yam Yu Jian and is the subject of my post because this man is a moron.

I will now describe him so you have a better picture of how he looks but I will avoid any embellishment or excessive derogatory remarks because I understand that he has no control over his physical appearance. It is not his fault he looks the way he looks. Basically Amy is not very tall but is very well built, probably of the physically demanding activities he often partakes in during his CCA. He has a very high forehead accompanied by a seemingly large head. This feature of his is obviously purely functional and was not designed with aesthetics in mind but provides for a very safe and secure container for his powerful and large cranial mass.

(For all non-SMU readers out there, keep in mind that SMU students are graded on their level of class participation and this grade counts towards their final grade.)

It all started during a lesson in Business Processes when Amy asked a stupid question in class. Although I do not remember the exact question, I do remember thinking that that must not have been a particularly bright person asking the question. I decided not to begrudge the fact however, because I knew that some people just weren’t that smart. The lessons went by and this same person would, without fail, ask at least a few stupid questions each lesson. By this time, I was fairly irritated at the person and I told Joshua as much. To which Joshua told me that this person was Amy and was a Dean’s Lister with a near perfect GPA.
.
.
.
.

What the PHUCK? Here was when I got really mad. I can understand if someone not very bright asked stupid question but here was an obviously intelligent man asking the same stupid questions. It then became obvious to me the motive behind the questions. It was not to seek clarification, as is fitting of the conventional use of a question, but it was to acquire participation points! Perhaps the fault lies in me. Has the world changed so much or am I from a backwater Kampong, such that I know not of the new and improved use of the QUESTION.

Needless to say Amy continues asking retarded questions for the rest of the semester and every lesson my blood boils more and more. He wastes the collective valuable time of the entire class so as to earn his retarded participation marks while more and more people are starting to get pissed off by him. I wonder if he notices my exasperated breaths every time he speaks or how people often rolls their eyes during his inane questions. Perhaps he does but he does not care.

What questions, you ask. Maybe I’m just being biased? No my dear reader, not the case this time. Perhaps on other occasions I have been known to succumb to the all too human tendencies of prejudice but not this time. Behold! The horror that is the ‘class participation’ of Amy Yam:

1) Prof, do you mean (Insert Prof's last statement)
See how ingenious this tactic is? You can never be wrong. It’s the Prof’s last statement.

2) Prof, is that an 8? (Pointing to a number on the board)
This one really irritates me. When I can’t see a number on the board I ask my friend who is sitting beside me; or a stranger even. If they all can’t see then maybe I’ll ask. But get this, his girlfriend is sitting beside him but he doesn’t ask her. NOOOOO, that would be too difficult for her. Better approach the person with the PHD to ascertain the exact nature of the single digit numeral that is written on the board.

3) Prof, I want to know why you equate X to Y. Shouldn’t you differentiate it? Actually I’m quite sure they come up to the same thing…..
This one killed me even though he was correct about the differentiation part. I mean why bother asking if you already knew.

My favourite part was during his presentation. I had already pre-decided that I would look for weaknesses in his presentation and savagely expose them as revenge for all the stupid questions he has made me listen to. It was obvious that he did most of the thinking and most of the work and all his teammates were all peripheral presenters whose sole purpose was to allow him to look even better in contrast. And so his part came and he presented his amazing solution… which did not address the problem. I was disgusted with his recommendation and my face showed as much. It was a retarded solution and I knew I had found his jugular. He suddenly made eye contact with me and… and… and he said, “I see some of you are looking very lost. I’ll explain again later.”

What… the… Phuck. He mistook my disgust for confusion? I wish I could tell you that I gave him a Q&A session of his life and he broke down and cried after I made him look like a fool in front of the class but I can’t. The Prof beat me to it. Halfway through his explanation of his amazing solution to the problem that was not the real problem, he Prof stopped him and said, “That doesn’t solve the problem. It contains the problem but it doesn’t solve it. You have to find out the root cause of the problem…” After which he continued criticizing their presentation for 20mins. Oh how I basked in triumphant glory as I watched him in his moment of failure!

Things on my mind:
Exam results
Rest and Relaxation
China?
Boobs
Chinese boobs

The savage beasts of the orient

2007-03-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

Thursday, March 29, 2007
Sunny

My guide abandoned me last night. He did not wake me to stand watch for my shift and by the time I awoke, it was well into the morning. I should have foreseen this eventuality for as the days wore on, my guide – Chitupaka, had become increasingly nervous and shifty. The natives fear entering the borders of my destination in the worry that they might be possessed by the evil spirits that inhabit the land. No matter. He will not be paid and I sense that I near my destination. The vegetation around me is changing and the tropical flora, that I have gotten so used to from the early leg of my journey, are no longer in sight. Replacing them are trees of cypress and hemlock that stand tall and proud, home to many a squirrel and the famous red-chested ruffle sparrow.

All of a sudden, breaking through the vegetation I stumbled into a clearing. The sight astounded me and took my breath away. I had to will myself to move for so still I stood that I think none of them noticed my presence. The silent beasts of the orient were prostrate over their objects of worship, all of them single minded in their task. So deep in were they in their concentration that when I began to move amongst them, nary a single one noticed me. I had found them… hidden away in this corner of the SMU Library, the Chinamen of SMU.

I’ve always thought that my school had a small PRC population but today I realized my folly. For when I entered an area of the library that I have almost never traveled to, I found the point of congregation of my school’s PRC population. They lived in near squalor and the stench of the study area overwhelmed me. It is obvious that they too have assumed ownership over this part of the library by the way the mark their territory. They leave pieces of paper or books and a half-finished Evian on the table and expect the spot to be reserved for them for hours on end.

I was not impressed. I saw a spot I liked and my friend removed their possessions and I commandeered the seat. As I huddled into my corner to study, I was overwhelmed by the vile odor of a PRC’s stinky foot that persisted all through the 6 painful hours that I had resided in the library. Such was the potent chemical weaponry of the rising economy of Asia. Hours later, a Chinawoman asked if I had seen her books which had been left at where I sat. I replied in the negative though it had been my friend who had ‘relocated’ her books. Alas, the story would have been beautiful if it had ended here though the realities of life are oft harsh. A companion of mine, Debbie was critically injured in this encounter. When we disposed of the possessions, the foolish girl had spotted a hair clip and, childish as she is, decided to steal the shiny bauble. She has proudly pinned up her hair with her newest accessory. When the China woman asked if anyone had seen her clip, a cold wave of realization passed over us as we realized that Debbie was using the clip. We desperately tried to remove the clip though by this time... it is almost too hard to describe… but the clip had burnt into her scalp and caused a festering for the clip was so tainted that only the disease resistant scalp of a PRC would have been able to withstand such an assault of dirt, grime and germs.

Though Debbie paid the price, all of us lost a bit of our souls today.

Things on my mind:
Exams
PRC
Smelly Feet
Boobs

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

2007-03-19T00:32:00.001+08:00

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?

Actually Morpheus said that. I unfortunately was able to wake up from my dream and I definitely knew the difference between the dream world and the real world.

Last Friday (Yes last Friday. I still remember the dream and I've been too busy to blog about it) I had a dream. A beautiful dream. I dreamt that I had won a lottery and hit a Jackpot of US$6 billion dollars. SIX billion dollars. Obviously a dream considering the world record for winning a jackpot is something just over 360 million dollars. ARGH. Can you imagine how sad I was to wake up and have to go for a project meeting? I was planning to save 5 and spend 1 billion dollars. I remember I had the money put into 5 Louis Vuitton bags with $120million a bag in cash wads.

5 bags. How did I carry them? Well Donald Trump was walking with me. You figured I should have realised that I was dreaming by now right, but I rationalized that it was all possible. So Donald Trump was walking beside me helping me carry my $6billion dollars and we were chatting. And he asked if I would like to intern with him. When we reached my penthouse suite I woke up.

I still remember my reaction when I woke up. I was like... oh hell. Fuck. $6billion dollars. Reality blows

Stupid Kopitiam

2007-03-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

I am boycotting the stupid duck rice store in my school. Previously they sold this Happy Duck Rice Set meal that has duck rice, braised peanuts, 1/2 a 'TauGua' and 1/2 an egg. This sold for $4 and after student's discount it became $3.20 which is not a bad price and so I eat it from time to time.

Today however, when I ordered the same duck rice, it came without the peanuts, taugua and egg. Assuming that he had made a mistake, I clarified my order, "Uncle, I wanted the set meal." To which he replied that they no longer served the set meal. Alright, fair enough and so I asked, "Oh, then how much is this?"

$3.00
.
.
.
.

What the PHUCK?! You reduce the side dishes by so much and you only charge $0.20 cheaper? What the hell is wrong with you!! KNNBCCB. The worse thing is the duck meat he served wasn't even enough to finish the rice with! Eh, something is seriously wrong with the stallholders in SMU. Do they think its justified for them to charge high prices simply because they operate in a foodcourt? The amount of duck meat I got was barely even 3/4 of what I would normally get if I paid $2 for a packet that I buy from Bedok.

The chicken rice store also owned by one joker. He actually had the freaking cheek to complain to the newspapers that his business in SMU is terrible and complain that the students don't buy from him enough. Erm, maybe he should eat some of this own chicken rice. I've never tasted such crappy chicken rice before and definitely not at the price he's asking. So I have also boycotted the chicken rice store.

The stupid Indian store also another comedian. Do you know I get diarrhea every time I eat their Briyani? The CaiFan is the most decent but even then the prices force me to eat two vegetables and one meat so that I can keep the price at $3.20. Seriously! Do I look like a person who eats TWO vegetables in a given meal? No! I have 2 meats, rice and some carbo in the form of potatoes. Any vegetables I happen to eat should happen to come with any of the meats. And even then, the rice is the only damn thing that is hot. Every thing else is cold- like leftover food left to sit in the air-conditioned dining room for 2 hours- cold.

I seriously hate eating in school, there are so little stalls have provide some value for money and even then only some items in the menu satisfy the criteria. So what happens to me? I'm glad to report that I'm losing weight and this is probably the only good thing coming out of the shitty food in my school.

PS: Do you know that when you buy drinks in the SMU Kopitiam, the more you buy at one shot the more expensive it becomes because the round off the percentage discount. So if you buy 1 drink its $1. 2 drinks = $2.10, 4 drinks = $4.20. I think that that's just plain stupid. I sincerely hope they the management will be punished in hell for all this nonsense.

On the News Today

2007-03-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

I read this on the Today newspaper, get this.

The Price of Delay - Postponement killed dreams of liver transplant patient

The article talks about how a crane operater Mr Sim Tee Hua was pronounced brain-dead and how his family asked to postpone the organ harvest by 24 hours and thus caused liver transplant patients to lose a liver because it had become unsuitable for transplant.

Now read the headline again. POSTPONEMENT KILLED dreams of liver transplant patient. Why do I get that the family members of Mr Sim are being villianized for hanging on to hope? Is it that bad that they need a bit more time to grieve that it has to be published on the newpaper that "in spite of a ruckus created by his family members..." A ruckus??? Since when has bereavement become creating a ruckus. I know that if right now, my loved ones were brain-dead, I'd be reluctant to pull the plug. There is a difference between brain-dead and dead-dead and that is breathing. Some people need time to come to terms with it. I strongly believe that Mr Sim's family need not have their struggle with the loss of their family member labelled as the killer of the transplant patients' dreams.

Now let me state for the record that I am not saying "well too bad" to the transplant patients. I am truly sorry that they were unable to get their new livers. No, what I am saying is it is criminally insensitive for the writer of the article, Tan Hui Leng, to frame the issue in such a manner that people might be led to think that the family of the deceased were villians in the whole episode. They are victims too. They have lost a family member and are greaving. Price in delay? Then what about the family's own emotional closure. Should that be discarded then? What is the price of they emotional stress and who pays it?

Of course Minister Khaw Boon Wan brought it up in front of parliament yesterday. Here's a quote: "I'm sure he was fully aware of Hota (Human Organ Transplant Act) and the fact that if he did not opt out, that would mean he wanted to save lives in the event of a sudden death. So we should respect his wishes." He was of course implying that his family was not respecting the wishes of the deceased. So now the family members have become people who postponed respecting the wishes of a dead man and thus the people who has dashed the dreams of transplant patients. They are OBVIOUSLY not people who have lost family and thus deserving of our sympathy.

The fact that he did not opt out isn't an indication of his desire to save lives. The entire opt-out is designed to get the most number of organs, which is not a bad thing. But please try not to pretend that its otherwise. First of all, by making it opt-out, you're making it harder for people to not want to donate their organs and thus you get the organs of the people who are a bit lazy. Second, if some people are undecided about such and important decision, they push it aside until they think about it next time... which is never. Out of sight, out of mind. Third, you are able to increase the numbers some more by playing on the guilt factor. If they opt-out, they are taking active steps in depriving someone of a chance at life rather than taking active steps to give someone a chance at life. Terribly different psychologically and you get more organs yet again.

I am not discounting that many do sincerely want to save lives but at the same time, let's not pretend to be naive and say that everyone who didn't opt out did so because of a desire to save lives. It's a lie. You know it. I know it. We all know it. I get that the ends are desirable and the motives are altruistic so I applaude the use of methods which are suspect to achieve the ends. It is undoubtedly effective. But try not to insult our collective intelligence by making fallacious statements like "if he did not opt out, that would mean..." Don't just make statements like that simply because they support your case. It makes for a weak argument.

Next time I'll get started on Estate Duties.

Things on my mind:
Ritz-Carlton
GeForce 8800
AngPao
Texas Hold`em
Boobs

FluffMaster

2007-02-15T14:12:00.000+08:00

Urban legends tell of an SMU student, who was birthed in a field of peach blossoms at the precise moment that a thousand white doves took flight. Squirrels and rabbits had gathered around the child to keep him warm and when this child grew up he became the Emperor of Fluff and started dealing ownage during presentations in SMU. I have met this man and his name is Vincent Ha. I know him as Vincent Ha-ha ha, I just owned your sorry ass with my l33t video.

I’ve made it a point to not pick any classes with this man because I know that if I don’t avoid him like the bubonic plague, I’ll be the newest addition to the database of names of the wretched competition that could not withstand his fluffy presentations. The following video was something he did in year one. Thoroughly enjoyable – mainly because I was lucky enough not to be from his class at that time. I can picture all the pathetic losers from the other groups just sitting there mouths agape and shaking their heads in resignation. In the corner a deluded individual is convincing his group members that maybe this Prof doesn’t like fluff.

Thus far I have been lucky enough and have yet to have the same class as him but I don’t know how long I can keep it up. This man is like the Super Vincent and oh how I pale in comparison against him. If the two Vincent’s ever meet face to face the worlds will collide and surely I will not be able to survive the encounter. Even his surname is superior to mine. Ha. Never has there been such a triumphant and resounding sound. Ha! I’ve got you. Ah… HA! Mua-HA-HA-HA! Ha-doken! Compared to him, my surname is a joke. Fu. My surname has been mocked and ridiculed to no end and this is the most common one: Vincent Fool. Oh the originality! Every time some one makes this joke he acts like it’s so funny and intelligent. Please. Even my mother’s used this joke so much its old. It doesn’t even make sense! It’s ‘Fu’ not ‘Foo’. You know, F – U? (See how cleverly I used my surname to curse you? This is smart. ‘Fool’? Not so smart) But you see the difference? ‘Ha’ is such a victorious sounding surname.

Jokes aside, this guy does make quite good videos and they don’t look amateurish at all. Here’s his link, check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=vincentha

Things on my mind:
Vincent’s Day
Hahaha Fool!
Boobs

Happy Anniversary... Again

2007-01-31T18:45:00.000+08:00

One more year till the itch sets in. Nuff` said.

His fault not mine

2007-01-25T13:49:00.000+08:00

An interesting pattern of human behavior was brought up in my MPW class by my Professor (MPW being the acronym for Managing People at Work.) I can’t remember the exact terms used but simplified, this is basically the underlying principle. In general, we generally identify two factors to be cause of a fault, the two factors being situation and character. We tend to associate our own faults with situational causation but character causation with the faults of others.

I elaborate. When your friend is late, the most common reaction would be “Oh, so-and-so is always late. He/she has no concept of time and can be bothered to be punctual.” The attribution you make to the person as the cause of the fault is his character. However if the person who is late is yourself, the justification is most commonly “Oh the bus was late. There was a traffic jam.” So on and so forth. Evidently, it is never a fault of your character whenever you are late but rather the situation, one that is out of your control, is the reason why you are late. Simply put you make excuses for yourself to preserve the integrity of your character but don’t bother to do that for others.

This is obviously a flawed study for it is never my fault when I am late and I never make excuses to preserve the integrity of my character. My character is bright, shiny and pristine. I was in fact late for that particular lesson and the reason I was late, as it invariably is for any situation in which I was late, it was circumstances out of my control that led me to be late. What happened was that while I did miss my train by about 20 seconds, I was still early and had boarded the next train at 3pm. Since traveling to City Hall from Bedok takes an average of 20mins and walking time is about 7mins, I would still be on time. A minute later however, the train refused to move and an irritating voice belonging to a shrill control station woman came on the PA system telling us to seek an alternative transport and that the train services would be held up indefinitely.

So it turns out, the train I missed would go two stations west and hit a man at Eunos MRT station. Reports indicate that it was not a suicide but bystanders could not explain what happened. Most likely he stood beyond the yellow line and was clipped by the train. (That will teach all of you to listen to the damn warnings) The man, a newly wed was thrown forward and landed on the track when the train literally knocked his shoes off. A picture taken on site showed his shoes some 10-12m apart. Amazing the man escaped death and as far as I know is now recovering in the hospital.

As you can see the reason why I was late was obviously circumstantial and beyond my control, however the reason why the man was hit was most probably because he was careless and/or reckless and did not bother to heed clear instructions, a fault with his character.

Things on my mind:
Pirates!
Reluctance to begin studying
John Lim (Watch out for my next post)
Boobs

Closest Shave... Gillette

2007-01-19T00:41:00.000+08:00

Today I experienced the closest shave of 2007 thus far.

It all began with me stalking and hunting an bowl of mutton curry in the Interchange today. After slurping down the last of the spicy curry that left me dripping with princely amounts of perspiration, I removed my red frames of Mojo off of my face to wipe away the salty moisture that still hung to my skin. Putting my glasses back on, I rolled my sleeve back down and left the hawker with my bag in tow. A quick check of time showed 1134am; this would mean I had just enough time to reach class punctually.

Weaving gracefully through the human traffic (Yes, I have it on good account that I was indeed weaving gracefully, several bystanders corroborated this testimony and all agreed I was weaving in the manner as depicted in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioMP2OX52eE), I arrived at the steps of the underpass that would lead me to my vehicular transport, the train. I pulled out my mobile from my pocket to once again check the time. It was at this point I realised something of great import. My right hand carried my undeniably stylish phone and my left, the handphone cover. My brows tightened and it dawned upon me, none of my hands were carrying my laptop.

I sprung around and set out on a mad dash. Where did I last see my laptop? My mind set about the task of searching my memory banks for the precise moment my laptop left my field of vision. At the same time, a message was sent down my spine past the region of my groin (the location where most of my blood most regularly resides and home to my more powerful brain) telling my feet that it was code red and this was not a drill. The search identified the last known location of visual confirmation of Laptop status was at the hawker. Some hundred thieving bastards still sat within alarming proximity to my laptop. At this point, rationale thinking broke ranks and a primal need to protect that which was mine took over.

No longer inhibited by logical thought and common sense, I moved faster and more agile than I had ever moved. As I darted past the human traffic, I moved unerringly towards the hawker. At one point I ran so quickly I was leaving flames in my wake. It was at this point when I noticed, much too late, that there was a crippled begging on the floor; prone at that height, he was out of my optic field and there was no way I could have seen him until the point when I saw him. At the speed I was at at that point, there was no way I could have stopped in time. A mere moment before I would crash onto him, I leaped. Over him I sailed and it would have almost been perfect if it weren't for the fact that I was so fast that there were flames in my wake. Before I could even land, the poor man caught on fire; the fabric of his tattered clothes ignited by the licking yellow flames leaping off of my feet. I did not hear him scream though, for in just another mere moment, I was already out of earshot.

You will be pleased and relieved to hear that I was able to successful secure and extract my laptop. Looking behind me, I was horrified by the burning inferno I had caused. As a result of leaving my laptop behind and the time it took me to put out all the flames, I was late for class. Clearly not my fault and a close shave, if I say so myself.

Things on my mind:
Fire
Boobs
Globes of Fire!

If at first you don't succeed...

2007-01-10T03:20:00.000+08:00

For those of you who don’t know, CIT is SMU technical support department. In reality, they are incompetent morons who do not do anything right. Thus, in an unprecedented turn of events, my Bingo Book for SMUtards will feature, for the first time, a non-student.

The latest addition to the workforce of CIT is a particular dim young lad of 24. He is fresh out of army from which he enlisted late as a result of completing his education at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Allow me to describe his physical attributes so as to enable you, my esteemed reader, to identify the man in question. The man is pale and skinny, and this along with his constantly slouched shoulders, contribute to a very slight frame. A largely unremarkable face sits upon his similarly unimpressive physique. His complexion is neither flawless nor is it unacceptable by societal standards (though it does tend to lean toward the latter.) The most distinguishable of his features include his hair, which he uses as a multi-purpose tool to sport a look that is by most standards, out-of-fashion, and to carry princely amounts of grease and oil. Noticeable also is his glasses which is a black plastic frame, probably remnant from his National Service stint. (Though I must clarify that there is nothing wrong with black plastic frames; it just so happens that he’s the only man in CIT to wear such frames and is thus most easily identified in this manner. Plus, black plastic frames is infinitely inferior to my funky red spectacles from which I draw upon my mojo)

Let all be warn that this man is highly incompetent and will likely do your laptop more harm than good. He is to be avoided at all costs and if he tries to tinker with your computer, DO NOT hesitate to reject him for any concession on your part will likely only reward yourself with frustration, anger and most likely a great big waste of your time. The next section will detail some of the errors perpetrated by this, clearly intellectually challenged individual. Be forewarned that it might get a bit technical if you are a computer illiterate, but take comfort in the knowledge that I am a genius and know what I am talking about and that this baboon is a moron.

First of all, I had to configure my laptop to log into the school domain and to do that, you’d have to go to the ‘My Computer’ properties and select the domain option there. However the checkbox to check that option was grayed out. So what was a computer technician to do? Why repeatedly click on the grayed out box then. I mean that made perfect sense! If you clicked on the grayed out box quickly or often enough, it would possibly, nay probably right itself and become selectable again! Gosh I can really tell that 3 years of education in Ngee Ann really paid itself off. Personally I wouldn’t have been able to do that without formal computer training. And no, he doesn’t do it once, nor twice nor even thrice. He just kept fiddling around with my computer and went back to that screen every few minutes to rapidly click on the grayed out box… again!

Basically he went on for like an hour not doing anything before he consulted one of the older staff who promptly figured out the problem in 5 minutes. Thanks moron, for wasting my afternoon. Think that’s the end? Think again. So finally after formatting my laptop, half my hardware was missing their drivers and couldn’t function. This includes my Ethernet card and my Network card driver and this basically means I could not connect to the internet. So Mr. I-have-thumbtacks-for-brains figures that you know, I’m missing drivers, let’s look for it on the Internet. Rrrrrrrr-right. Hello? Einstien? My drivers are missing. How do you use the Internet to search for the drivers if I need drivers to allow my laptop to access the Internet? With the obvious plainly lost on him, he proceeds to command my computer to search the Internet for suitable drivers for my network card. Oddly enough the entire process fails. So he proceeds to command my computer to search the Internet for suitable drivers for my Ethernet card which for reasons unexplainable to man, fails again. So he decides to command my computer for one last time, to search the Internet for suitable drivers for my network card yet again. His head is so dense that light slows to a near crawl when traveling in and out of his ears. Perhaps he takes great heed to age old adage of “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again," except that in this case Failure is a barren woman who will never mother anything, least of all success.

You’d think that the story ends here and that it was an isolated incident. Nay meinen freund. For my friend, Joshua, karma caught up with his yesterday and his CIT helper was the above mentioned. Long story short, Joshua ended up having to reformat his computer and when I asked him to describe the problem to me, I realized it was painfully simple and I could have fixed it in 2 minutes. Yet another victim of the CIT moron. Sigh*

Things on my mind:
Stupidity and how it manifests itself in so many ways
Boobs

Keeping the Faith

2006-12-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

I must say that I truly do believe that I lead a far more interesting life than many other people. At the very least, I do meet or rather encounter some rather peculiar people. People that turn even a simple MRT train ride into a blog worthy experience. Of course a picture paints a thousand words so I took a few pictures of him. Saves me the effort of describing him.

Of course having the pictures doesn't mean I'm not going to talk about him. I still feel obliged to. The pictures act as a sort of... augment to the post. Look at what he's wearing. Gosh. Freak police? Hello... You can't really tell from here but he has a pretty whacked up hairstyle but even that is the least of his troubles.

A) Safety goggles? Spectacles? You tell me.
B) You can't tell from the picture but this guy has holstered a water pistol in his shorts.
C) That's right. Shorts. His long sleeve shirt is tucked into his shorts. With white socks and black shoes.
D) His watch is like 5 links too big by the way. This is just a minor problem.
E) This tag is what the post is all about really.. can anyone guess what it reads. (Terence guessed that it read NUS Science. I found that to be immensely hilarious by the way)

It read...

Faith Knowledge Management Consultant.

WTF.

First let us address the obvious. Why on God's green Earth would I trust ANY man who looks like him to give me any consultation advice. I'd sooner let a water buffalo lick me underneath my armpits. (That was appropriately random enough I hope)

Faith Knowledge Management. The management of your knowledge of your faith. What is that supposed to mean? You don't want to find out too much about your religion too quickly? I can see where their coming from, what with all the unabated learning of the different facets of the religion, one could possibly learn all there is to learn about their religion all too quickly! You really have to ration the number of pages of the Bible/Quran you study each day. You really don't want to run out of reading material. There isn't a sequel you know. Maybe its because they figured if you find out too much too quickly, you'd realise that your entire Faith is a scam (Maybe that's why Church is only on Sundays). I guess that's really how the whole concept of Faith Knowledge Management Consultant came about. It was created to help people stay deluded for as long as humanly possible.

Maybe that explains his dress sense. It is remotely conceivable that every Faith Knowledge Management Consultant has to wear what he's wearing. It is technically possible. You know, maybe the Holy Water is in his water pistol. Speaking of Holy Water..

The Priest dude decided to allow the 4 Sisters in the (Church I think) to go out and have some fun. That night the Sisters went wild. The next morning the Sisters all turned up for confession.

The first one went, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Last night I went to the disco and drank and danced all night."

Father said, "Bless you my child. Drink from the Holy Water and you will be forgiven."

At this point the 4th Sister let out a soft giggle.

The second one went, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Last night I was driving and I ran over a dog.

Father said, "Bless you my child. Drink from the Holy Water and you will be forgiven."

The 4th Sister burst out laughing.

The third one went, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Last night I went out and had sex with 3 men."

Father said, "Bless you my child. Drink from the Holy Water and you will be forgiven."

By this time the 4th Sister was rolling on the floor and laughing so hard her ass started to pop off her lower torso (ROFLMAO)

Father was clearly irritated, "Alright what did you do and what is so funny?"

The 4th Sister went, "Last night... I peed in the Holy Water...."

*Disclaimer* I don't have anything against any specific religion. I'm not racist either. It's all in jest.

My long lost twin??

2006-12-14T21:12:00.000+08:00

So now apparently I look like Eddie Murphy. Now I would think the purpose of myheritage.com was to boost your ego by having yourself look like a celebrity. But why would it boost my ego to have myself resemble a fugly celeb. Sigh* At least I don't look like Osama which is more than I can say about a special friend of mine who has to date, been requested by MRT security to allow his bag to be searched for explosives. He apparently bears a 66% resemblance to the Taliban dude. True Story.

Decided to photoshop my picture just for kicks. I think its just the lips. I have Eddie's Lips. Now if only I had his tongue.

A Face Only A Mother Could Love

2006-12-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

At long last, Year 2 Sem 1 is finally over. This semester is actually the very first semester taking 5 credit modules (previous 2 sems only had me doing 4 credit modules) and it is consequently quite a bit more hectic than previous semesters. Now whenever I complain that "this sem is busier than my other sems" people will often remark that it just feels that way and that in reality its probably no busier than any other sem. Well these people are obviously stupid. Anyway, my excuse for not blogging for an entire month would be because I was too busy with school to find the time.

I really enjoyed myself this semester though. Met quite a lot of new people.. nice people at that. Most of my project groupmates weren't retards either. Some were but there are retards everywhere so you can't control that. This semester I met 3 retards. Their names are Joshua, Wenjie and Terence. Kidding. I'd rather not print their real names. You could however, apply to join the SMUtards and upon initiation into the organization, you will gain access to the Bingo Book. The Bingo Book has the names of retards encountered by members of the SMUtards during the course of the members' academic endeavours. The purpose of the Bingo Book is to allow owners of the Bingo Book to quickly identify retards in advance and thus take evasive measures when forming their new groups. This organization currently has two members Terence and me and we are, of course, the founding members. TK = 1st Hokage. Me = 2nd Hokage. Please contact me if you are interested in applying because I am the recruitment officer.

The marginal retard-friend ratio this semester is surprisingly healthy. While number of retards encountered increased by 50% from the previous semester, the growth in the number of friends out performed the retard index by several points. I am proud to announce that Yulun, Toto, Debs, Jason, Elisa, Huizhen, Aihui, Melvyn, Mok and Zhuo are people that performed well enough to qualify for Friend status. Congratulations to all names mentioned above. Members of the elite reading week mug club will be given military accolations. Commodore Joshua, Brigadier General Terence, CPL Wenjie and Cookhouse Auntie Qihui will be given the Distinguished Cross. 2LT Yulun will be charged with AWOL for leaving the group mid-week to hump girls.

Anyway back to my heavy workload. There was one module in particular that sucked up most of my time and that is CAT. So anyway we've pretty much completed the project and we've at last reached the final consultation with the Prof where he would give us his comments on what we've done. Yes this is the psychotic Professor Kam Tin Siong. I am proud to announce that I reached the word cap in my comments for him in my end of semester evaluation. So anyway, all though out the consultation, the Prof mainly focused at one person and pretty much only addressed him. I suppose that the reason behind this is that the Prof judged that this person probably did most of the work. Now this normally would not be a problem but in this case, the person who he deemed to have done the most work was actually the person who did the LEAST. By least I actually mean next to nothing. And by next to nothing I actually mean I'm truly and eternally grateful that this person didn't end up creating more work for me. The name of this person is inside the Bingo Book by the way. We did conclude that this person did have a "zai" looking face though. So perhaps that would explain why a dark cloud had been pulled over the Prof's eyes diverting his gaze towards the retard instead of me.

This however, really sparked off something and I started to reflect. Why did the Prof not address me during his consultation? I was clearly the genius surrounded by peon-like group members. If the hypothesis that the retard has a "zai" face and thus leading to the misdirected attention of the Prof holds true, then it also stands that I must not look "zai." Thinking back on Year 1 Sem 2, my BGS Prof too implied that I was riding the coattails of my group. Looking further back into my JC, my Econs and Physics tutor told me that I cannot make it and that I would probably retake my 2nd year respectively. In light of all this historical evidence, I have begun to doubt my initial assumption that I look exceptionally good-looking.

Imagine my distress. To assuage my fears, I decided to gather data that was more recent and thus more relevant. I asked Melvyn if I look hostile or friendly and he burst out laughing asking me if I was joking. I assume that he meant that I look very friendly. Next I asked Yulun, what was his first impression of me? To my complete surprise he said I looked cheesy and that Wenjie in contrast, looks very "zai." Could it be? Could I look like a moron/retard? My world obviously came crashing down. The very foundation of my reality was being torn asunder. Was my assumption that I looked red-freaking hawt flawed? It took me a week of introspection and during the 7th day, when I was resting on a giant lotus underneath an apple tree and an apple fell on my head I realised: looking friggin sexy and looking zai were mutually exclusive. So while I now concede that I look very beh zai, I still look pretty damn handsome. Perhaps my stunning good looks work against me because no one will believe that a man with as such an angelic visage as I would be as intelligent as well. Sigh* yet another burden I must carry with me for the rest of my life.

Things on my mind:
Maximizing Holiday Fun
Chiam Tao Grades
Chiam Tao Boobs

Marketing Smarketing

2006-11-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

And its a Home RUN for my marketing presentation! I seriously thought that our presentation, (our being my group) was the best one in the class. Deadly awesome. Just look at me, my back is hurting from my patting myself on the back. This was one of the few projects I've been in where I feel everyone pulled their weight. Idiocy was kept to a minimal too!

I think that my project was a good one. Not great. Just good. However, at the same time, we received tremendous comparative advantages over our competition. Let my mocking begin:

*At this time if you are from my marketing class and not from my group. I think you might want to navigate off this page*

There was one group marketing skincare products and they estimated a 10% market share capture within the 1st year. 10%???? Laughing my fat ass off. Right as if any company could capture 10% within their first year. I don't even think well established brand in the market have 10% of the market share. Get this, followed by another 10% growth in the second year bringing it to 20%. When questioned if it was reasonable to assume a doubling of growth in a year, they replied, "Well, although its doubling, but its a small doubling. I mean if double from 50-100% of course abit hard. But absolute value wise, this is a small doubling so its possible." Don't hope for any nobel prize for ur excellent economic theory dude. I think most people have shitty financials but they take the cake.

Wait wait I have more. Let's talk about joke of products. I mean I know we had to come up with a new product or service and that wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world but seriously! Could you try harder?

Biggest joke award goes to this group that wanted to sell shoes:
They proposed to have a brand extension to Charles and Keith. It's called Kate's by Charles and Keith. Which isn't really a bad idea in terms of a name. But that's where it all ends.

Brand extension - It not as if Charles and Keith is some upscale brand... it's like bottom of the shoes table in terms of quality. A lot of girls buy from them because their cheap. $14 for a pair of flats. Beat that. Any lower you'd be shopping in Thailand or something. So you can't extend your brand downwards because you know frankly, you are at the bottom. And if you want to expand your brand upwards, you don't want any references to your inferior quality brand of C&K. Its like having a line of italian leather shoes. "[Italian Name] by BATA" Right, I'm sure you'll draw plenty of sales.

Next the implied technology they claim to have. The cool thing about kate's is that it a pair of heels that can be converted into flats and back again. Yea right, I'm sure that they're the first people to think about THAT. Maybe just maybe it not exactly possible? Think about how friggin ugly ur flats will look when they become heels. Basically two different fashion styles. That's outside the fact that its engineering would be so uncomfortable. The soles of flats are... flat. AND the soles of heels are not. Now imagine if the soles of ur heels are flat. It's like walking on a triangle. WHEE!

It's awesome that marketing presentations double up as stand up comedy. It's extremely amusing. Don't get me started on the stupid marketing bitch.

There's this stupid marketing bitch. She's always trying to participate with her retarded comments which just disgusts me. She even looks disgusting. It was like we had presentations on mon and weds. So the prof asked if anyone would volunteer to time the presentations. So she's the kind that volunteers and purposely make it damn exact dun give chance to the other groups one. You know what I mean? The type of people who has participation questions prepared in advanced? So as expected she did and obviously she forgot all about the fact that on mon when she presented no one actually timed the presentations. I mean it's us against establishment. That's the way it's supposed to work, we all want to have MCQs and Open Books. She's the one who tries to be the teacher's pet. She disgusts me.

Singapore Number 1 Killer per Capita!

2006-10-18T14:08:00.000+08:00

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
did u noe that singapore has the highest number of executions per capita in the world?

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
hahahahha

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
as in death penalties

Its hard to drive from the backseat says:
oh relaly?

Its hard to drive from the backseat says:
lolx

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
yeah

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
another record for singapore huh

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
13.57 executions per one million

Its hard to drive from the backseat says:
who's second in place?

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
2nd is like 4.65 la

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
gawd, singapore is cruel

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
saudi arabia

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
but then again,

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
the only reason y china isnt top 3 is probably cos of the high population

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
i think the gross number of executions there is like super high la

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
it's 2.01 per million, and they have like 1 billion?

{Zee Zee-Ness} says:
-faint

Its hard to drive from the backseat says:
hahahaha

Its hard to drive from the backseat says:
absolutely inane information